Tony Fo-Hawk's upcoming appearances

 It's been a while since Tony Fo-Hawk has hit the stage (live or virtual), but he's coming back in a big way.  Tomorrow night, he'll be at the 4th annual Texas Women's University Drag Show: Kings, Queens, and Non-binary Beings.  The show takes place in the Student Union at Hubbard Hall and will start at 7 PM.  However, you'll want to come early to visit the queer vendors set up.  There's also a livestream option for people wanting to avoid crowds.  Tickets are $5 for non-students and can be purchased at the Student Union.

Then later this month, on April 29, Tony will be premiering a virtual rendition of his Alolan Raichu act as part of Irish Lashes Productions' Gotta Strip Them All!  It's a hybrid event so if you're in Seattle, you can attend and enjoy the live performances at The Give Inn.  Show starts at 7 PM PST.  Tickets begin at $10.  Click here to purchase.

Upcoming shows: Danger Dames Productions and Wilde May Productions

I've got a busy weekend up ahead.  First is my return to performing live with an out-of-town show!  I'm joining Danger Dames Productions in Jacksonville, Florida for their special Pasties for Pérez show.  We're celebrating the work of George Pérez, and proceeds go to the Wounded Warrior Project in honor of his father-in-law.  Show is March 26 at 7 PM EST at the Karpeles Manuscript Museum.  Today is the last day for $10 advance tickets (click here) .  They're $15 at the door and $20 for VIP.

Unfortunately George will not be there in person, but the show will be recorded so if you want to show off your cosplay, this is your chance!  I'm incredibly honored to be a part of this cast and so excited to debut my new act.

If you're not Florida, fret not.  I have a second brand-new act that is debuting virtually in Wilde May Productions' K-Pop That Tastie Pastie.  We're doing a food theme, and I invited Venessa Vesper to join in on the fun with me.  The live stream is March 27 at 8 PM EST/7 PM CST, but if you have an early Monday, there's an option to purchase the recording.  Click here for tickets ($10 for the stream, $5 for the recording).

Performance While Neurodivergent and Mentally Ill

"Are you feeling what I'm feeling?
I haven't had a shower in the last nine days (Ah-ah, ah)
Staring at the ceiling and waiting for this feeling to go away
But it won't go away." - "Shit" by Bo Burnham, Inside

I had a different post planned, but I wound up watching Bo Burnham's Inside while crafting and although it's not my favorite comedy/dramatic special, there's parts of it that resonated with me.  It made me feel like I should switch to my planned post about being a performer with a mental illness, which recently has been expanded with "and neurodivergence".  The Muses must be at work since it's also Neurodiversity Celebration Week.

Let's start with my latest diagnosis: autism spectrum disorder.  I've suspected that I've had it, which is partly why I sought evaluation (from The Gracious Mind in case anyone in North Texas would like a resource).  However, I never considered how it might affect my life as a performer until now.  My experience isn't the same for all performers on the spectrum. I'm also contending with ADHD and anxiety, which contributes to the struggles.  

I appreciate Hannah Gasby even more now that I know I'm on the spectrum.

One of my greatest frustrations is knowing that I can do more to sell myself and my art, but really not having the energy for it.  It's very difficult for me to connect with people, whether they are audience members, producers, or fellow performers.  My style of performance is akin to presenting a thesis, and I can only hope that people find it interesting.  Shows where I have to interact with audience members are harder for me since the one-on-one interaction bring me great anxiety.  Unfortunately I can't really fake confidence or even interest so hustling for tips or the schmoozing after shows is lost on me. 

It's a bummer since I do want to make more burlesque friends and get more gigs.  And yes, I do want to reach more people (as in getting more fans, but also I really like the few conversations I have where people like my Easter eggs or just the overall theme of my act).  It sounds a bit contradictory after what I said about one-on-one interactions, but finding a way to connect makes me value the experience.

I'm not your typical burlesque performer off- and on-stage, and I stopped hiding it early in my career.  The idea of having a persona was appealing because it's how I could comfortably present part of me I usually felt too self-conscious to share.  However, at some point, I realized that I have zero interest in being what others want even if they're the ones paying the bills.  As a result, Hana Li the performer is pretty close to who I am (just maybe less anxious and loves her body more).  It's exhausting to perform as a neurotypical individual on a daily basis so I like being able to turn that part off.  I often joke about how several of my acts involve me having some crisis on-stage, and I think that's the result of being authentic.

A lot of performers shared the last 2/3rds of this meme (sans red text), but I added another hoodie Rami Malek since my act usually starts with angst or awkwardness. 

Something I am trying to work on is my procrastination and lack of focus, which leads to unprofessionalism.  While my ADHD diagnosis is relatively as well, I know I've struggled with time management and a pre-show state of panic that makes me forget something or be grouchy at The Companion.  Now that I have more insight on how my brain works and am resuming, I can figure out how to break this cycle (since all the tricks and tips I've tried have never stuck) and be someone better to work with.  Also on the producer side, I recognize that I am very oblivious to things around the show because I am focused on the production itself so I can directly ask for help to watch for potential issues.  I am very sorry to cast and crew who have been hurt by my inability to be aware of surroundings and am grateful for stage managers and co-producers who have stepped in.

No performer is an island even if we produce a solo piece like Inside and our brains tell us that we're alone.  I'm probably going to write more about my neurodivergence and mental illness, but for now, I'll just let this peek behind the curtain suffice.  While burlesque performers look like we have it all together and want all the attention, we might actually be wanting to hide under the covers in our PJs.

Tuesday night, there may be more candid conversation, as I am appearing on Papi Churro's Twitch talk show, Papi's Friends.  There will be videos of performances in between the conversation.  Show starts at 10:30 PM CST, and there's a $10 suggested donation.

All-con 2022 announcements

I have some big news!  I am co-producing the All-con burlesque show with Black Mariah. 

3-D photo by Mike McGee

 

This year's show will take place March 12 at 8 PM in the Amethyst Ballroom of Hilton Dallas Lincoln Center.  Mariah will be emceeing while I am stage managing/kittening. 

We will also be doing our History of Burlesque panel twice: Saturday, March 11 at 5 PM in Quartz and Sunday, March 12 at 11 AM in Monarch.

Additionally, I have a new panel about Critical Role called "How Do You Want to Do This".  You can catch it Friday, March 10 at 7 PM in Monarch and Saturday, March 11 at 4 PM in Topaz.

And just added, Tony Fo-Hawk will present his panel about skateboarding's influence in pop culture on Sunday, March 12 PM in Longhorn!

Upcoming shows: Ellie Quinn Presents and Cosplay Burlesque

I took a bit of break to recover from COVID and catch up on work in lab, but it's February and I'm back on the virtual stage!  For those of you who want to stay in during Valentine's Day weekend and prefer something not so mushy, Ellie Quinn Presents has got the show for you.  My Bloody Valentine premieres on February 12 at 8 PM EST and is available for a week.  Click here for tickets.  It's gonna be a night of horror-filled fun!

 If you want a little less gore and more nerdiness (I can't guarantee that there won't be blood), Cosplay Burlesque is having another CPB-eyond the Screen show on February 26.  What's rad is that there will be some live performances on the stream, which starts 9 PM EST.  There is an option for a recording to be e-mailed later, but you do have to select it when you purchase tickets.  Click here to get tickets.

 

2020 and 2021 in photos

A new year means Instagram Top/Best Nine.  I realized that I never shared the one from 2020 so here's both years:.

2020 seemed all over the place although I could see the shift from almost-naked pics getting the most interaction to ones where I'm authentically myself.  2021 really supported the idea that I should continue to stick to my truth and speak up against injustices.  It's very encouraging since I've been questioning where I belong as live shows started to return (before omicron ruined that).

I also realized I never shared links to publications I'm in.  Back in the fall of 2019, I appeared in one of Retro Lovely Magazine's Halloween editions with my mad scientist photos by Dynamite Dames (make-up by Nicky Callahan).  Click here to buy a copy.

More recently, my androgynous rose bath photos by Dragon Dreams Photography appeared in Venus Cult.  You can get a high-res, colored two-page spread of the photo below at this link.

It's been a while since I've done any photoshoots, but after getting COVID-19 (I'm okay now minus the annoying post-viral cough), I am wary about venturing out and being mask-less.  There are people I want to work with soon so maybe the right circumstances will happen.  In the meantime, I guess I could make the post I never did write about modeling adventures.

Upcoming show, new calendar, and a nomination

I've tested positive for COVID-19.  It was right after I developed cold symptoms (no fever) after attending the Winter Dew Tour.  The trip was booked long before the Omicron variant started to rapidly affect the country, and I thought being vaccinated and twice-boosted made me safe.  Also, save for one party in a large space where I was mostly a wallflower, I was mostly outside.  All of this is making me reconsider my return to the live stage next year.  Right now I'm extending my live show hiatus through March 2022.

I would highly urge anyone to reconsider going out on New Year's Eve.  Omicron cases are growing exponentially, and even though I've felt mostly okay, that's not the case for others.  Plus Papi Churro is putting together a live variety show featuring performers who are also opting to stay in and/or have digital numbers that they want to share.  Streaming on Twitch.tv/papijinxy starts at 8 PM CST, and it's a $10 suggested donation but pay/tip what you can.

As we near the end of the year, I wonder how many of y'all have a calendar.  If you've put it off or would just some gorgeous photography on your wall while also supporting me, I would like to direct you to La Photographie's 2022 charity calendar.  I have been voted to be Mx. December so this is your chance to own a high-res, physical copy of one of my photos from a shoot I did in Tennessee.  The charity chosen is The Trevor Project so you're supporting a very important cause while getting something pretty.

Lastly, my elder child, Tsar William, is up for a White Elephant Burlesque Silver Tusk Award: Best Supporting Pet.  Go to the WEBurlesque's page, enter your email, and vote for Willy (doing his best sexy pose).  You have until January 2.

Willy loves making appearances on camera.