Upcoming shows: Boiz of Austin and ACEstravaganza

If you missed out on my New Media act, you have a chance to catch it (or a PG-13) version of it in Boiz of Austin's J-Pop vs. K-Pop vs. Death Metal showdown!  Tune in tomorrow (Tuesday) night at 8 PM CDT at Twitch.tv/PapiJinxy .

Later this month, on May 21, I will be in the ACEstravanga Burlesque Festival, a showcase of performers on asexual-spectrum.  I'm super stoked for this and really appreciate the work Monet Ha'Sidi has put in to make this happen.  Tickets are on sale for $15 at paypal.me/blackartsmatter or Venmo @Monet-Ha-Sidi .  You can also get merch featuring the super cute pin-up cake mascot on Redbubble . 

Upcoming show: Asexy Tease

Tonight's show is a special one.  I used to think I was alone in being a grey-asexual burlesque performer, but now I know so many that I can do a showcase in celebration of Asexual Awareness Week. I'll definite write more about this afterwards, but if you can, please come and show your support!

Interview with Burlesque Stripped Down

It's just what the image says: I revealed some facts and stories you may not have known on the podcast, Burlesque Stripped Down.  I want to thank Velvet O'Claire for the opportunity and for taking an interest in asexual awareness.  You can check out my interview here: http://www.burlesquestrippeddown.com/hana/

I also highly encourage you to peruse the site since it has many interviews with fabulous dancers and segments featuring helpful tips for performers of all types and levels.

Finally one of the subjects that I mentioned is my upcoming show at Oni-con at the Galveston Island Convention Center.  I'll be doing two super nerdy routines with Kiki Maroon's Comic Strip.  The show is on October 29 at 9 PM in Grand Ballroom C.

Burlesque, For Me, Is Not About Sex

 "Sex is more exciting on the screen and between the pages than between the sheets." - Andy Warhol

I talk about my orientation—grey-asexual—a lot.  That's because many people still don't know that asexuality, much less grey-asexuality or greysexuality (I go with grey-a because I lean towards the ace side of the spectrum), is an orientation and not just a mode of reproduction.  Furthermore, it gives me a unique perspective on burlesque.

Recently two articles have inspired me to revisit the subject of asexuality as it relates to striptease.  The first is The Irresistible O's "Sexual Orientation and Burlesque: The Dirty Word", which is about how burlesque is still not as open to queer performers as one might think.  We may be more accepting than the mainstream, but the need for a queerlesque festival highlights the fact that there's much more work to do.  I had commented that I sometimes question whether I have a place when my fellow performers emphasize the sexual aspect of burlesque.  O encouraged me to share my view, and that's what I have decided to do after I saw another article, "Burlesque Performer: You Are Not a Sex Worker" by Mary Cyn.  When I tried to share why I agree with many of her points, I noticed the connections with asexuality and thus this post was born.

That sock I'm removing has the colors of ace pride.  I couldn't resist.
From Tuesday Tease: Dirty Nerdy
By Arctic Fox Photography

Now I don't deny that burlesque is inherently sexual.  Whenever I see discussions on burlesque, I see attraction get linked to sex though.  It's expected since that's how it works for most people, but it's time to stop assuming that there doesn't exist a small portion of population who do not experience sexual attraction.  Sex can be broken down into scientific steps without any positive or negative connotations.  If I show you a video of two fruit flies engaged in courtship and mating, you're not going to think about lust or desire because they're flies.  Nevertheless, they're still having sex. 

I approach burlesque in the same way I would approach those fly courtship videos: with careful analysis of the specific steps.  This has nothing to do with my scientific background and everything with the fact that I don't typically experience sexual attraction.  It's easier to treat this aspect of human behavior as a research topic because I don’t have much else to go on. 

What I present on stage is sexual in that it typically has something to do with sex—be it the moves, tone, or politics.  That's it.  In a way, I'm going through the motions, but I have enough understanding of human behavior to know what the audience will think I'm suggesting.  Plus there's other emotions and intentions being expressed in my performance.  It becomes a game.  I present an illusion and try to get the audience to see through it into the many non-sexual emotions and concepts I've layered into the routine.  Burlesque, to me, is about power.

I thought this was fitting.
Artwork by Alice X. Zhang

This is where I draw the distinction between me and a sex worker.  Although sex workers can undoubtedly be empowered by what they do, there is an exchange.  At some point, it is up to the client to determine what will happen.  You can argue that burlesque performances are partly influenced by producers and paying audience members, but for those few minutes during which a dancer is on-stage, they are in total control.  It's like the difference between giving a speech in front of a large crowd and having a one-on-one conversation.  You can be great at presentations or acting and yet be socially awkward.  The two situations call for different skills that occasionally overlap.  I have skills and the willingness to do one (burlesque) but not the other (anything that involves an exchange that is sexual), and so I don't consider myself a sex worker at all.

If you're still confused, then perhaps you can take comfort in knowing that I struggle to understand the appeal of sex.  It's not that I don't like it or don't have hormonal urges, but when you don't have that attraction driving you, there's not really a motivation to seek it.  Then you start wondering why sex is everywhere and on everyone's minds.  Some people are just wired differently from the majority of the population, but that's why it's important to listen to their perspectives, as they can broaden your view of the world.

Identity Revisited

"We are rag dolls made out of many ages and skins, changelings who have slept in wood nests or hissed in the uncouth guise of waddling amphibians.  We have played such roles for infinitely longer ages than we have been men.  Our identity is a dream." - Loren Eisley, The Unexpected Universe

Originally I had planned on revisiting my "Identity in Burlesque" post in the context of the racial discussions that have cropped up in burlesque and cosplay, as well as a follow-up to National Coming Out Day.  However, the former has been addressed by many already (please check out those links), and I don't really need to come out again.  Rather I've been turning inward, and so that's what this update will be about.

Repping asexuality and
genderqueerness at the 2014
pride parade

I have been asking myself questions as of late.  Where does Hana Li end and Tony Fo-Hawk begin?  Do I continue developing my O-Ren Ishii act when it doesn't feel "me" yet its message is so important to me?  Can I pull off an asexual pride act?  Does my tagline still work if I'm no longer a lab tech?  Will I have to chance the background of this blog when I stop working with flies?

The last two questions seem frivolous, but they are a part of who I am.  As much as I try to keep my mundane self out of Hana Li, we're still one person at the end of the day.  Through my hamstring injury, which turned out to be a consequence of a lower back problem, I learned that you can't keep your identities completely separate when you share a body.

Likewise I cannot keep my politics apart from my art because my body is political on many levels.  It's just like how burlesque (in its current form) is always sexual.  I've seen that discussion pop up, and I debate whether I should jump in with my own two cents as a grey-asexual.  Just because the art is sexual doesn't mean that the performer is.  I know some of you may struggle with reconciling that, but know that I still struggle with being viewed sexually.

O-Ren Ishii's Chinese side comes out at
A Plumb Askew Revue: Popcorn and Pasties.
By Miracle Bennet
HAMU by Vivienne Vermuth

Further complicating that is how my race often gets sexualized.  I want to be more political in terms of presenting myself as an Asian woman, and that's partly why I still feel dissatisfied with my O-Ren Ishii act.  It's about one's Asian and American identity, and I don't think that's 100% clear.   I also worry about being appropriative as I am not Japanese.  Lastly, the act doesn't feel like it fits with the identity I have developed as Hana Li.

Maybe my inner O-Ren is an aspect of myself I need to further explore, but that brings me to the first question I had asked.  Burlesque was supposed to be a way for me to express my feminine side.  However, I have been unable to ignore my masculine side.  I get my inspiration from male characters, and I'm more a pants type of gal than a glove-and-gown type.  If you've been following my career thus far, you may have noticed that I am getting more androgynous.  That's who I really am inside, and I've figured out how to incorporate my classic training to suit that aesthetic.  I never intended to do drag, but that was inevitable with the way I have been progressing.  Tony can do things that don't work well with Hana.

My next couple of posts are going to return to recapping my performances from the last few months.  Instead of going chronologically though,  I'm going to trace how I've learned to embrace my genderqueerness and how Tony Fo-Hawk came to be.  I’m excited to have you along for the ride.

Tony Fo-Hawk
By Tanya Forno

Workshops and Pride

When the Dallas School of Burlesque opened in May, I was eager to check out the classes.  I still wanted to study at the Ruby Room, but it was time to expand my repertoire with the different styles DSB offered.  Plus it’s nice to get a different perspective on old bump and grind moves.

Over the summer, DSB offered two workshops: chair dance with Stephan and tassel twirling with Black Mariah.  In my many years of dance classes, I’d never had a male teacher until Stephan, the Southern Fried King of Burlesque.  He had a very free-spirited approach, which was just what I needed.  I’d been spending so much time focusing on being sexy, and I’ve always been a counter.  Both were holding me back, and I was happy to work on improvising and just feeling the music.  I could use some work on strength and flexibility, but I still learned a few chair tricks for a future routine.

my first pair of assels and tassles
made by Black Mariah

Tassel twirling was something I’ve always thought was cool even before I knew that they were part of burlesque.  I went into Black Mariah’s class a little bit cocky.  All that shimmying I did in Ginger Valentine’s classes must account for something, right?  Well, it turned out that my technique could use some work.  I had also placed the tassels too low at first, but I was also trying too hard to make my boobs move.  Ironically I discovered that I was better at shimmying with my arms held straight up, which is a more difficult position than with your arms held out.  As with hula and belly dance, I always seem to master a harder move before getting the basics down.  Black Mariah also taught us how to twirl assels, which was equally challenging and fun.

During the latter half of the summer, I started to wonder if I was rushing into things too quickly.  My double weekend of shows with the Ruby Revue and Lemme Addams’ Stardust Revue wore me out.  I also didn’t want to come on too strongly in my eagerness to stage kitten.  As a result, I decided to take the time to focus on classes and figuring out who Hana Li is.

Bellilona Fatin, me, Carmen St. Cloud, and Raven
By Lecroix Photography
www.facebook.com/lecroixphotography

That didn’t mean I wasn’t involved in other community activities.  When I learned that the Dallas School of Burlesque was invited to march in the Alan Ross Texas Freedom Parade, I knew had to participate.  I’d never been to a pride parade, and I really wanted to show my. . . well, pride in being queer and my support.  What better way than to march with friends in fabulous showgirl costumes?  The Dirty Blonde made costuming really easy for those of us who were busy.  We just had to pick a color of a rainbow, get a swimsuit (or in my case, a bra) the color of the rainbow, and embellish.  I picked red because I already had bottoms of that color from my Wonder Girl costume (and because it’s a common bra color).  However, I wanted to wear my socks that are the colors of the asexual pride flag: black, grey, white, and purple.  With some advice from Lily Lecroix and fringe from Black Mariah, I was able to add a bit of purple to my bra.  I also learned how to rhinestone.

Through both the costuming sessions and the parade itself, I got to know more members of the burlesque community.  It was hot and a long walk, but the energy and enthusiasm was unbelievable.  My only regret came from my feet, which did not like the long walk in my gold wedge sneakers.  Still, that was nothing compared to Jade Vivian and MayMay walking in real heels.  They definitely get my admiration.  Pride was a nice way to end the summer, and I even got a stage kittening gig out of it.  That’s a story for another post.  In the meantime, you can check out more photos over on my facebook page.

By Susan Migdol, EDGE Dallas
edgedallas.com

Identity in Burlesque

This is a post I’ve been wanting to write for a while because I wouldn’t be here if others didn’t talk about race, gender, and sexuality in burlesque.  In fact, the stereotypes I knew would have to deal with probably kept me more from pursuing the art than my insecurities about my body (though the two are related).  After I learned about queerlesque and found burlesque dancers who directly addressed the issue of race, I decided that I could use what I learned to break stereotypes.  To put it simply, burlesque needs more Asian, genderqueer, grey-asexual dancers, dammit!

If you find yourself asking why is this important, let me introduce you to two wonderfully written articles about identity.  The first, “Race and Burlesque: The curious case of the performer of colour”, addresses the stereotypes and discrimination that minorities still face today.  The interviews that follow the article are also worth checking out.  The second article, “Queerlesque, WTF?”, explains what queer is and why a safe space for those who identify as such is needed in the world of burlesque.  Reading both articles made me decide to write about how identity has played a role in shaping how I approach burlesque.

Let’s start with the most outwardly apparent aspect of my identity: race.  I’m Taiwanese-American, and it’s not really influenced how I’ve been treated in the burlesque community so far.  It’s a breath of fresh air since I deal with microaggressions and really bad Asian jokes all the damn time– from my own friends too!  Despite not having to deal with that in burlesque, there’s the phantom of the Dragon Lady and naughty Asian school girl stereotypes looming over my head.  These fantasies lead to a dehumanization of Asian women.  When guys (and sometimes girls) hit on me for being a “hot Asian (with boobs)”, they’re not interested in who I really am– they’re interested in a particular set of traits that I happen to embody.  Because of this, I did not want to sexualize myself in any manner for a very long time, but a part of me still wanted to be sexy.  The non-sexual Model Minority stereotype was just as hurtful.  I started to come across Asian burlesque dancers of all styles: Noel Toy, Tura Satana, Calamity Chang, Shanghai Pearl, Stella Chuu, Di'Lovely to name a few.  I realized that they were subverting the fantasy by simply being themselves.  Sometimes they fit the nerdy image, and sometimes they look like they could be a Dragon Lady.  However, they write their own narratives; they make the fantasy their own.

That’s what I’ve been trying to do in crafting my stage persona.  Defying expectations is no problem since I want my punk rock side to come out.  The bigger challenge is navigating how to honor my heritage without falling back into the stereotypes (i.e. how do I strip out of a qipao without feeling like I’m insulting my culture?).  There will be a lot of thinking and learning before I completely figure things out, but I’m thankful to have some good role models.

To clarify, my attempts to desexualize myself have nothing to do with my grey-asexuality.  It’s hard to explain why I identify as grey-a without getting into the dirty details, but basically I don’t experience sexual attraction save for a couple of exceptions.  My curiosity about sex stems from not really understanding why people desire it so much, and I think that’s why burlesque intrigued me in the first place.  I never thought I would be “good” at it because I have zero understanding of seduction.  I also felt like I was betraying my orientation by pretending I was a "regular" sexual being.

Then I realized that sexy does not equal sexual.  If anything, being uninterested in sex while doing suggestive moves made me the ultimate tease.  Overcoming that mental hurdle has helped me become a bit more comfortable with the moves and with revealing my body.  I still have trouble getting the seductive facial expressions right, but I’m learning how to reinterpreting the intent to something I understand better (even if I have to end up pretending to mind control someone).

Lastly, gender is a complicated topic because I was being caught up in seeing it as a binary for so long.  While I’m okay with being referred to as a girl, it’s not completely me and that’s where the genderqueer comes in.  I often compare myself to a prepubescent boy who has discovered drag.  I like the glitter and femininity, but once I get home, I want to slip back into my baggy jeans and T-shirts from the boys’ section and not shave for the rest of the week.  My intense hatred for shaving was actually a specific deterrent for getting naked because I couldn’t understand why girls had to be hairless and was shamed for my choice many times.  I know of one dancer who doesn’t shave, and I hope I can one day have the same courage to rock my all-natural look.

When Lillith Grey started the Academy of Queerlesque, I immediately wanted to sign up.  A tiny part of me did wonder if I wasn’t queer enough because I do appear to be a cisgendered, heterosexual female.  However, there’s more than what meets the eye though, and burlesque for me personally is about stripping away those façades and presumptions.  On top of that, the Academy’s site included asexuality in the acronym (LGBTQIA).  That was the reassurance I needed since the inclusion of asexuality in the queer community has met some opposition.  The safe space created in the classes gave me the confidence to sign up for the Burlesque Group class, which would be performing at the Panty Raid queer variety show.  I’m very excited to make my stage debut this Friday; it’s a lot sooner than expected, but I was made to feel comfortable enough to take the plunge.

This is only a glimpse of how my identity has shaped my burlesque journey and ultimately my stage persona.  I feel like my struggles with the issues of race, sexuality, and gender have been both an internal one and a much larger battle.  I hope that the conversations continue and that there are more individuals, troupes, and productions that challenge the norms.  Whenever I come across a dancer I can relate to, whether it’s because they’re Asian or they challenge traditional gender expressions, I get really excited.  I’m hoping that I could do that for someone in the future.