Help Performers and Staff at Club Q

Already the Club Q shooting seems to be forgotten, but the community is still healing.  If you have the means to give this holiday season, consider helping out one of the drag performers or employees who call Club Q home.

I learned that Beyonca DeLeon, a drag queen I had shared the stage with back in Glitterbomb's early days at Mable Peabody's, worked at Club Q and helped many people get to safety that night.  Her friend has put together a GoFundMe to help her out:

Going Digital

"7/ Soon everything in this world will be swallowed by the net: from the military systems to the PC at home. 8/ But the net is a house of anarchy. 9/ It cannot be controlled and in this is its power." - Christian As. Kirtchev, A Cyberpunk Manifesto

It needs not be said that the pandemic was bad news for performers.  However, as I personally found some things enjoyable about lockdown (mostly in terms of much-needed rest and self-reflection), the creative world was pushed to find new ways to connect with audiences.  Thus, virtual burlesque was born.

Only in virtual shows do you get pet cameos.

Initially I had a pretty simple set-up: film a routine in one take in a corner of my apartment.  However, as I saw more performers experiment with the form to essentially create mini-movies, I pushed myself to make the most of my limited space and editing capabilities.  It helped that I got a new laptop in the middle of pandemic that could better handle video editing and streaming shows.  Although my edits remain minimal, I did take advantage of being able to incorporate things that aren’t always allowed in live shows, like food and fake blood (I still had to clean it up so I prefer to not get as messy).  I even buzzed my hair and made pancakes for two different videos.  Burlesque was starting to get stale for me so these new outlets made me excited.

I was stoked to connect with performers all over the world as well.  Nerdlesque can be too niche for certain audiences, but with worldwide access, shows could be as specific as possible, whether it’s a drag show dedicated to American Idiot on Broadway or a burlesque show inspired by all the best parts of Tumblr.  Taste the Tease gave me the opportunity to produce a showcase specifically dedicated to the AAPI performer community in Texas (which I had wanted to do a live version of, but the logistics were way more difficult and the opportunities not present).

Moreover, I found connectivity after feeling somewhat alienated from the Dallas scene, which was going through changes that I sometimes found difficult to navigate.  I’m eternally grateful that Esmerelda May (and Attica Wilde, who has stepped back) embraced me as an integral part of K-Pop That Pastie to where I made a virtual appearance in their live show and an honorary addition to Cosplay Burlesque.  I’ve always found joy in traveling for shows, and now I have even more places to visit when I can travel more.

K-Pop That Pastie also helped me
accomplish my long-time dream of
doing Shinhwa's "Wild Eyes" routine.

I also got to perform for one of the first nerdlesque groups I came across when I was researching the topic for my All-con panel: Nerd Girl Burlesque.  It was my first international gig too, as they are based in Canada.  More recently, I joined the legendary Peepshow Menagerie, which has dedicated itself to continue virtual offerings.

Streams also allow for cast
Q&As.  I cosplayed Annabelle
from L.A. By Night for the
Peepshow Menagerie one.

That brings me to my argument that virtual burlesque should continue even though most productions have resumed in-person events and lots of people have Zoom fatigue.  Just because things are open doesn’t mean the pandemic is over, and the unfortunate truth is that not all live shows are accessible for disabled performers and audience members alike.  I don’t want opportunities to be lost, not just for myself, but for others who don’t always feel like they fit in their local scene or who maybe live somewhere that doesn’t have much of a scene.  Furthermore, I’ve seen some brilliant video editing from performers, and I’d love for that style of burlesque and drag to continue to be developed.  People are making mini movies!  If we can afford to pay for multiple streaming services, we should continue to shell out for a virtual production every now and then.  Plus you don’t have to wear pants when you watch (although please don’t show us unless consent is given).

Upcoming show: Peepshow Menagerie

 I am incredibly excited to make my debut with the legendary Peepshow Menagerie, at least in a virtual sense.  To make it even radder, the show is all about vampires!  Let us help you get into the Halloween spirit with Oops! All Vampires on October 28 at 11 PM CDT.  I've also got a special cosplay planned for the live meet-and-greet afterwards.  Click here for tickets.

Upcoming shows: Beyond Vanilla and K-Pop That Pastie

Tony Fo-Hawk is returning to the stage.  You can catch him in Beyond Vanilla Burlesque, doing a kinkier version of one of his punk rock numbers.  Tickets are almost sold out so scan that QR code or visit beyondvanilla.org to get a pass for the weekend that gets you in the show.  It takes place on September 23, 8 PM CDT, at the MCM Elegante Hotel.  (I believe it's 18+ but please contact the organizers to confirm.)

As for me, I'm making a virtual appearance in the first ever in-person K-Pop That Pastie show.  It's in Philadelphia on October 8, 7 PM EDT.  Click here to get your tickets. Please note that this show is 21+

 

Pole competition and an upcoming show

Houston, you have two chances to see me on-stage this Saturday!  In the morning, I will be participating in Pole Sport Organization's Space City competition.  I'm still doing Level 1 Dramatic so I will be close to when the event starts at 1 PM.  Stick around for a whole day of pole action!  Click here for tickets.

Photo by Beids Photography
(@beidsphotography on IG)

Then at night, I am making my (temporary) return to the burlesque stage with the Derringer Do Revue!  It takes place at Darwin's Pub and there's on cover, but bring your tipping money.  Door at 9:30 PM, show at 10 PM.

Body Acceptance series - Skin

"Skin has become inadequate in interfacing with reality. Technology has become the body’s new membrane of existence." - Nam June Paik

To start off this post, I’m going to take a second to brag: many people have told me that I have “great skin”.   I get where they’re coming from since I rarely break out or develop stretch marks or wrinkles (except the giant one on my forehead from trying to make my eyes bigger).   However, I’m always tempted to reply, “If you only knew the trouble my skin has caused me”.  My skin looks great on the surface, but it’s been the cause of so much misery that I’ve had to teach myself to be okay with it.

What made me decide to write this post finally was reading about Cara Delevingne revealing her psoriasis at the Met Gala and developing fear that I will be discriminated against as monkeypox become a greater concern.  It’s already happened with someone who has eczema, which is what I suffer from.  I actually have multiple types of dermatitis/eczema, but since they’re been mostly manageable, I refrained from calling it a “chronic illness”.  However, that changed last year when I had the worst flare-up in my life since college (when I nearly had a hole in my finger from dyshidrotic eczema leading to open wounds leading to an allergic reaction to Band-Aids leading to a staph infection).

In the spring of 2021, I experienced the perfect storm of allergic reactions to beauty and bath products and PPE from my work, sensitivity to humidity, and probably some stress thrown in.  The result was my body and face being covered in an itchy rash that no amount of steroid cream could treat.  To make things worse, I got wounds from scratching myself in my sleep, and my eyes were actually starting to swell.  My skin also became discolored after I started using an extremely potent steroid that my dermatologist prescribed me as a last resort. 

I wound up taking time off of work because it was too difficult to wear masks, gloves, and the PPE I needed to handle lab mice.  I never had issues in the past, but I think prolonged exposure to surgical face masks has aggravated the sensitivity I have for elastics.  Plus I am allergic to latex, and with the demand for masks and gloves so high, who knows if there was contamination from the manufacturing process?  I am by no means an anti-masker, but I’ve become pretty outspoken about the need for options for people who have allergies to elastic material.  Or really for everyone else who is not allergic to synthetic fabrics to mask properly so those of us who get face rashes can wear cotton masks and still be protected from COVID-19.  Thankfully I was mostly healed by the time I had to record for my next show.  However, I still had scars from the scratch wounds and wound up having more costume pieces to cover up.  Having been bullied as a teenager for weird scabs and redness made me self-conscious of showing too much of my skin.  Healing from that bad flare-up also meant healing from past trauma related to my skin.

I don't normally keep my corset on for the whole
routine and I was grateful that I could add
gauntlets and fishnets for my New Media look.

If you remember my quest to accept my body hair, not having to suffer from post-shave itching definitely sped up that process.  My dermatitis has also led me to change some of my make-up products because I’ve become even more sensitive to fragrance.  I’ve never used deodorant partly due to these allergies (also because I don’t sweat much and antiperspirant, which seems to be automatically added in most brands, poses a risk).  I get irritated when people demand that everyone wears deodorant or if someone sprays perfume backstage because my health is more important that someone’s comfort.  Sorry not sorry.

In short, my “beautiful skin” really is just skin-deep.  What’s unseen is this chronic illness that has led to a lot of emotional and even physical pain.  I now give myself bimonthly injections of Dupixent to keep the bad flare-ups at bay.  I still get worried when the weather gets too hot and will never be able to indulge in fancy or fun skincare products or spa days.  My hand washing habits are miserable because there’s only so much Aquaphor I can put on my hands afterwards, which means I have to be particularly careful even as pandemic restrictions have all but disappeared.  However, I’m glad things are more manageable now, and I’m fine with this simplified beauty routine.  Now if only we could stop destroying the ozone so I can stop getting sunburns as much...

Saying Goodbye to the Sweetest Lady

As I said on Facebook when I heard the news, I’m tired of making these tribute posts.  However, we’re all mortal, and once again, I’m reminded that we can all leave this realm at any time. A little over a month ago, I discovered that artist Theresa Mangum, who had performed burlesque as Sweet T, suddenly passed away.

I met Sweet T when I had begun to dip my toe into the world of burlesque.  She often worked the front desk of the Ruby Room, and I remember getting tips on where to find fishnet stockings as I started kittening.  Her partner Jes taught me how to sell merch during my first gig at the 2013 Dallas Burlesque Festival.  Although more people now know about the issues with Ruby Revue, I was pretty ignorant back then and once awkwardly asked T about whether she would be at a show.  She was very polite, and true to her name, her sweetness was known throughout the community.  In fact, she was voted “Sweetest Lady of Burlesque” in multiple Dallas Burlesque Festivals.

I had the pleasure of sharing the stage with
Sweet T at the 2014 Dallas Burlesque Festival.
Photo by Karlo X Ramos

 

On-stage, T was known for her graceful performances and flexibility.  It translated from classic burlesque to rock ‘n’ roll (and go-go dancing) to even a bit of nerdlesque.  One of my favorite acts of her was a Big Eyes-inspired number for Burton Burlesque, as we got to the artist come out too.   I took a few flexibility classes with her too, and I always appreciated how she made it accessible for everyone.

Although more recent years saw T focus on her visual art career, she always maintained connections with the Dallas burlesque scene.  I wasn’t too close with her, but I saw that she was friends with many of my fellow performers and I enjoyed following her social media posts about assorted art projects.  She was such a talented individual, and the Dallas creative world will deeply miss her.

If you would like to help Jes with end-of-life costs, please check out this GoFundMe.

Big Announcements!

Have you gotten your ticket to Cosplay Burlesque's CPB-eyond the Screen: "Down the Shore" Spectacular?  You'll definitely wanna because it's my last burlesque show for a bit.  (Ticket sales end today at 6 PM CDT.)

Yeah, you read right.  I'm tired, and the pandemic is still going on even though almost everyone has shifted to live shows.  I need to focus on my personal life and to pursue some other interests, which hasn't been possible when I'm constantly hustling for gigs and ticket sales

There is one last performance after Cosplay Burlesque, and it's super exciting.  I will be competing in Pole Sport Organization Southwest on June 18!  It's my first in-person pole competition.  You can get tickets to the full day event at the Baker Theater in Dallas.

Performing pole won't be a regular thing just yet (or ever).  I'm still new at this and don't have a portable pole for shows.  However, I was inspired after doing virtual PSO and didn't want to miss the chance to compete in Dallas.

I'm not sure what the future holds for me, but I'm ready for some change.  The time off will also give me the opportunity to write posts I've been meaning to do so you can continue to follow me to see what I'm up and to read some of my reflections on the past 9 years of my burlesque career.

Upcoming shows: drag story time and Cosplay Burlesque

Tony Fo-Hawk doesn't have a show per say, but he's appearing in public.  Next Saturday (June 4), he is doing drag story time at Carrollton Pride.  The event takes place at Horizon Unitarian Universalist Church and starts at 11:30 AM.  Tony will be reading My First Skateboard by Karl Watson.  It's free and for all ages so bring the family!

My next burlesque show will be virtual.  It's Cosplay Burlesque's "Down the Shore" Spectacular on Friday, June 10.  The stream starts 7 PM CDT, and tickets are $10 ($5 for a recording if you can't make the premiere).  Click here to purchase.

 

Upcoming shows: Flux Inq Productions and Worlds' End Burlesque Revue

It's Asian-American, Native Hawaiian, and Pacific Islander Heritage month, and I am incredibly honored to be a part of Flux Inq Productions: Slaysian Fusion showcase.  This takes place in person at Sabbath Brewing in Atlanta on Sunday, May 22.  Only standing room tickets are allowed, and they are $10.  Scan the QR code below or click this link.  I'm super stoked to be making my Atlanta debut!

If you're not in Georgia, you still have a chance to catch me this month.  I am appearing in Worlds' End Burlesque Revue, a Neil Gaiman-inspired burlesque show by Purple Devil Productions.  This virtual edition, Worlds' End: Through the Other Door, will premiere on May 28 at 9:30 PM CST with an opportunity to chat with the cast afterwards.  If you've got plans at that time, there will be rewatches available the next day at 12 PM CST and 4 PM CST.  Tickets start $10 and can be found here. 

A Glittery Unicorn Gone

Life is short.  It's a cliché thing to say, but I've lost enough friends to know that it's true.  I recently was reminded of this, as I got the unexpected, heart-breaking news that another wonderful burlesque has left us too soon.

I met Bre von Buxom early in my burlesque career.  She came to Dallas from Texarkana with Puss Powerbottom and Spyke Styletto, who was performing in Texas Burlesque Peepshow's first-ever show, Oh Rocky.  I was stage kittening and happened to share a dressing room with them.  Bre was Spyke's burlesque mom, and I remember her giving advice on pasties and backstage jitters.  She also helped some of my peers get a taste of performing out-of-town with her show in Texarkana.  I wasn't able travel back then, but I appreciated that she made a space for us newbies. 

I don't have any pictures of us together, but I'm happy she came out for Texas Burlesque Peepshow's Spectacular Burlesque! which I was in.  We had some good times at the after-party too.

 Although I never got to see her perform, she was a familiar face at shows in Dallas, and she also supported the Arkansas scene.  I never felt awkward when she was around.  On top of being caring and fun-loving, Bre was unapologetically queer, sex-positive, and nerdy.

I hadn't seen in a while, and her death is such a shock to all of us.  We'll never forget her lively spirit, and I hope she's having a blast, dancing away, wherever she is now.

Photo by Stand Up Photography

Tony Fo-Hawk's upcoming appearances

 It's been a while since Tony Fo-Hawk has hit the stage (live or virtual), but he's coming back in a big way.  Tomorrow night, he'll be at the 4th annual Texas Women's University Drag Show: Kings, Queens, and Non-binary Beings.  The show takes place in the Student Union at Hubbard Hall and will start at 7 PM.  However, you'll want to come early to visit the queer vendors set up.  There's also a livestream option for people wanting to avoid crowds.  Tickets are $5 for non-students and can be purchased at the Student Union.

Then later this month, on April 29, Tony will be premiering a virtual rendition of his Alolan Raichu act as part of Irish Lashes Productions' Gotta Strip Them All!  It's a hybrid event so if you're in Seattle, you can attend and enjoy the live performances at The Give Inn.  Show starts at 7 PM PST.  Tickets begin at $10.  Click here to purchase.

Upcoming shows: Danger Dames Productions and Wilde May Productions

I've got a busy weekend up ahead.  First is my return to performing live with an out-of-town show!  I'm joining Danger Dames Productions in Jacksonville, Florida for their special Pasties for Pérez show.  We're celebrating the work of George Pérez, and proceeds go to the Wounded Warrior Project in honor of his father-in-law.  Show is March 26 at 7 PM EST at the Karpeles Manuscript Museum.  Today is the last day for $10 advance tickets (click here) .  They're $15 at the door and $20 for VIP.

Unfortunately George will not be there in person, but the show will be recorded so if you want to show off your cosplay, this is your chance!  I'm incredibly honored to be a part of this cast and so excited to debut my new act.

If you're not Florida, fret not.  I have a second brand-new act that is debuting virtually in Wilde May Productions' K-Pop That Tastie Pastie.  We're doing a food theme, and I invited Venessa Vesper to join in on the fun with me.  The live stream is March 27 at 8 PM EST/7 PM CST, but if you have an early Monday, there's an option to purchase the recording.  Click here for tickets ($10 for the stream, $5 for the recording).

Performance While Neurodivergent and Mentally Ill

"Are you feeling what I'm feeling?
I haven't had a shower in the last nine days (Ah-ah, ah)
Staring at the ceiling and waiting for this feeling to go away
But it won't go away." - "Shit" by Bo Burnham, Inside

I had a different post planned, but I wound up watching Bo Burnham's Inside while crafting and although it's not my favorite comedy/dramatic special, there's parts of it that resonated with me.  It made me feel like I should switch to my planned post about being a performer with a mental illness, which recently has been expanded with "and neurodivergence".  The Muses must be at work since it's also Neurodiversity Celebration Week.

Let's start with my latest diagnosis: autism spectrum disorder.  I've suspected that I've had it, which is partly why I sought evaluation (from The Gracious Mind in case anyone in North Texas would like a resource).  However, I never considered how it might affect my life as a performer until now.  My experience isn't the same for all performers on the spectrum. I'm also contending with ADHD and anxiety, which contributes to the struggles.  

I appreciate Hannah Gasby even more now that I know I'm on the spectrum.

One of my greatest frustrations is knowing that I can do more to sell myself and my art, but really not having the energy for it.  It's very difficult for me to connect with people, whether they are audience members, producers, or fellow performers.  My style of performance is akin to presenting a thesis, and I can only hope that people find it interesting.  Shows where I have to interact with audience members are harder for me since the one-on-one interaction bring me great anxiety.  Unfortunately I can't really fake confidence or even interest so hustling for tips or the schmoozing after shows is lost on me. 

It's a bummer since I do want to make more burlesque friends and get more gigs.  And yes, I do want to reach more people (as in getting more fans, but also I really like the few conversations I have where people like my Easter eggs or just the overall theme of my act).  It sounds a bit contradictory after what I said about one-on-one interactions, but finding a way to connect makes me value the experience.

I'm not your typical burlesque performer off- and on-stage, and I stopped hiding it early in my career.  The idea of having a persona was appealing because it's how I could comfortably present part of me I usually felt too self-conscious to share.  However, at some point, I realized that I have zero interest in being what others want even if they're the ones paying the bills.  As a result, Hana Li the performer is pretty close to who I am (just maybe less anxious and loves her body more).  It's exhausting to perform as a neurotypical individual on a daily basis so I like being able to turn that part off.  I often joke about how several of my acts involve me having some crisis on-stage, and I think that's the result of being authentic.

A lot of performers shared the last 2/3rds of this meme (sans red text), but I added another hoodie Rami Malek since my act usually starts with angst or awkwardness. 

Something I am trying to work on is my procrastination and lack of focus, which leads to unprofessionalism.  While my ADHD diagnosis is relatively as well, I know I've struggled with time management and a pre-show state of panic that makes me forget something or be grouchy at The Companion.  Now that I have more insight on how my brain works and am resuming, I can figure out how to break this cycle (since all the tricks and tips I've tried have never stuck) and be someone better to work with.  Also on the producer side, I recognize that I am very oblivious to things around the show because I am focused on the production itself so I can directly ask for help to watch for potential issues.  I am very sorry to cast and crew who have been hurt by my inability to be aware of surroundings and am grateful for stage managers and co-producers who have stepped in.

No performer is an island even if we produce a solo piece like Inside and our brains tell us that we're alone.  I'm probably going to write more about my neurodivergence and mental illness, but for now, I'll just let this peek behind the curtain suffice.  While burlesque performers look like we have it all together and want all the attention, we might actually be wanting to hide under the covers in our PJs.

Tuesday night, there may be more candid conversation, as I am appearing on Papi Churro's Twitch talk show, Papi's Friends.  There will be videos of performances in between the conversation.  Show starts at 10:30 PM CST, and there's a $10 suggested donation.

All-con 2022 announcements

I have some big news!  I am co-producing the All-con burlesque show with Black Mariah. 

3-D photo by Mike McGee

 

This year's show will take place March 12 at 8 PM in the Amethyst Ballroom of Hilton Dallas Lincoln Center.  Mariah will be emceeing while I am stage managing/kittening. 

We will also be doing our History of Burlesque panel twice: Saturday, March 11 at 5 PM in Quartz and Sunday, March 12 at 11 AM in Monarch.

Additionally, I have a new panel about Critical Role called "How Do You Want to Do This".  You can catch it Friday, March 10 at 7 PM in Monarch and Saturday, March 11 at 4 PM in Topaz.

And just added, Tony Fo-Hawk will present his panel about skateboarding's influence in pop culture on Sunday, March 12 PM in Longhorn!

Upcoming shows: Ellie Quinn Presents and Cosplay Burlesque

I took a bit of break to recover from COVID and catch up on work in lab, but it's February and I'm back on the virtual stage!  For those of you who want to stay in during Valentine's Day weekend and prefer something not so mushy, Ellie Quinn Presents has got the show for you.  My Bloody Valentine premieres on February 12 at 8 PM EST and is available for a week.  Click here for tickets.  It's gonna be a night of horror-filled fun!

 If you want a little less gore and more nerdiness (I can't guarantee that there won't be blood), Cosplay Burlesque is having another CPB-eyond the Screen show on February 26.  What's rad is that there will be some live performances on the stream, which starts 9 PM EST.  There is an option for a recording to be e-mailed later, but you do have to select it when you purchase tickets.  Click here to get tickets.

 

2020 and 2021 in photos

A new year means Instagram Top/Best Nine.  I realized that I never shared the one from 2020 so here's both years:.

2020 seemed all over the place although I could see the shift from almost-naked pics getting the most interaction to ones where I'm authentically myself.  2021 really supported the idea that I should continue to stick to my truth and speak up against injustices.  It's very encouraging since I've been questioning where I belong as live shows started to return (before omicron ruined that).

I also realized I never shared links to publications I'm in.  Back in the fall of 2019, I appeared in one of Retro Lovely Magazine's Halloween editions with my mad scientist photos by Dynamite Dames (make-up by Nicky Callahan).  Click here to buy a copy.

More recently, my androgynous rose bath photos by Dragon Dreams Photography appeared in Venus Cult.  You can get a high-res, colored two-page spread of the photo below at this link.

It's been a while since I've done any photoshoots, but after getting COVID-19 (I'm okay now minus the annoying post-viral cough), I am wary about venturing out and being mask-less.  There are people I want to work with soon so maybe the right circumstances will happen.  In the meantime, I guess I could make the post I never did write about modeling adventures.