Originally I was going to share Raven Rose's now-open letter to her former troupe Foul Play Cabaret on my personal Facebook. Then I remembered her comments on her Instagram, "I wanted the accountability and apology to be as public as the erasure and denial was so that any progressive strides made by their brand could be rooted in integrity and we could move forward AS a community, FOR our community." Parts of her experience resonated with me, as I've talked about negative group interactions myself in a previous post, but I have also been on the other side. Therefore I am taking this time to hold myself accountable in perpetuating the oppression faced by black burlesque performers.
To Lyric Laveau, I apologize for assuming that you were on
hiatus and leaving you out of my list of Black performers initially. Assumptions are not something producers
should be making, and I will remember to consider you for future shows.
To Donna Denise, I apologize for not taking steps to clarify
our initial interaction as part of a acting workshop and not being intimidation. Although we were in the middle of a theatre
exercise, I still made the poor decision to slink away. My choice to portray fear reinforced negative
stereotypes thrust upon black women.
Moreover I didn’t talk to you afterwards and left you with the emotional
labor of clearing the air. I'm glad you
gave me the chance to come clean, and now I understand how even fictional
emotions can be hurtful.
To Fat Bottom Cabaret, I apologize for not
standing up to my troupemates when they insulted you behind your backs after
the San Antonio Burlesque Festival. Y'all
deserved to win Best Troupe, and I was too afraid of getting kicked out since
some of the blame lied with me for our loss. I should have left the group rather than
participate in the bitter trash talking that happened afterward.
To Ms. Liquid, I apologize for all the times I left you with
messes on-stage to clean-up. While it is
the duty of Tease's stage manager and stage kitten to be in charge of clearing
the stage, I've realized harmful stereotypes our production may be accidentally
reinforcing when the only Black woman is doing all the cleaning and running
around. As a producer, I promise to do
better in assisting you and to continue to cast more Black performers (yourself
included because you do deserve a break).
To Vylette Vivacious and Helena Isis, I apologize for not
being a friend when you needed an ally and not a producer. I was taught to maintain a level of
professionalism when it comes to producing, and I had extended it to our panels
at All-con. However, sometimes I hide
behind that wall when I'm not ready to deal with difficult questions. I am still not sure how to navigate the trick
boundary between producer, fellow performer, and friend, but I know that I can
give more honest feedback and let y'all speak more when we do our diversity
panels.
To Nox Falls, I apologize for believing the rumors against you and trying to keep my distance until a friend shared the truth. I'm also sorry for forgetting about the slander and for being complicit in the racist presumption that Black people are guilty. (For everyone who would like to know Nox's story, please read their statement: part one and part two.)
To Nox Falls, I apologize for believing the rumors against you and trying to keep my distance until a friend shared the truth. I'm also sorry for forgetting about the slander and for being complicit in the racist presumption that Black people are guilty. (For everyone who would like to know Nox's story, please read their statement: part one and part two.)
In the past, I brushed off my actions as
"accidental" or "complicated". The reality is that they still reinforce
racist ideas. Too often producers are
quick to say that we are looking for "quality" and
"professionalism", but we must ask ourselves what we mean by that
when we pass on Black performers. Yes
there are individuals of all race who aren't a good fit for a particular or are
actually problematic, but I am wondering if we are too quick to dismiss someone
when we can resolve the issue or offer them advice on how to improve. Even if I don't have all the answers, I know
I can do better as a producer and an ally.
That's why I've decided to be transparent about past
mistakes and future goals. Prior to quarantine, I had been focused on myself, out of frustration and exhaustion. Although taking care of oneself is important, I can use my privilege to help elevate Black voices. I'm going to
continue to seek out Black performers and Black instructors and to support POC
shows. I hope my fellow non-Black burlesque
performers and producers can do the same.
There's a lot of work to be done.
