Burlesque, For Me, Is Not About Sex

 "Sex is more exciting on the screen and between the pages than between the sheets." - Andy Warhol

I talk about my orientation—grey-asexual—a lot.  That's because many people still don't know that asexuality, much less grey-asexuality or greysexuality (I go with grey-a because I lean towards the ace side of the spectrum), is an orientation and not just a mode of reproduction.  Furthermore, it gives me a unique perspective on burlesque.

Recently two articles have inspired me to revisit the subject of asexuality as it relates to striptease.  The first is The Irresistible O's "Sexual Orientation and Burlesque: The Dirty Word", which is about how burlesque is still not as open to queer performers as one might think.  We may be more accepting than the mainstream, but the need for a queerlesque festival highlights the fact that there's much more work to do.  I had commented that I sometimes question whether I have a place when my fellow performers emphasize the sexual aspect of burlesque.  O encouraged me to share my view, and that's what I have decided to do after I saw another article, "Burlesque Performer: You Are Not a Sex Worker" by Mary Cyn.  When I tried to share why I agree with many of her points, I noticed the connections with asexuality and thus this post was born.

That sock I'm removing has the colors of ace pride.  I couldn't resist.
From Tuesday Tease: Dirty Nerdy
By Arctic Fox Photography

Now I don't deny that burlesque is inherently sexual.  Whenever I see discussions on burlesque, I see attraction get linked to sex though.  It's expected since that's how it works for most people, but it's time to stop assuming that there doesn't exist a small portion of population who do not experience sexual attraction.  Sex can be broken down into scientific steps without any positive or negative connotations.  If I show you a video of two fruit flies engaged in courtship and mating, you're not going to think about lust or desire because they're flies.  Nevertheless, they're still having sex. 

I approach burlesque in the same way I would approach those fly courtship videos: with careful analysis of the specific steps.  This has nothing to do with my scientific background and everything with the fact that I don't typically experience sexual attraction.  It's easier to treat this aspect of human behavior as a research topic because I don’t have much else to go on. 

What I present on stage is sexual in that it typically has something to do with sex—be it the moves, tone, or politics.  That's it.  In a way, I'm going through the motions, but I have enough understanding of human behavior to know what the audience will think I'm suggesting.  Plus there's other emotions and intentions being expressed in my performance.  It becomes a game.  I present an illusion and try to get the audience to see through it into the many non-sexual emotions and concepts I've layered into the routine.  Burlesque, to me, is about power.

I thought this was fitting.
Artwork by Alice X. Zhang

This is where I draw the distinction between me and a sex worker.  Although sex workers can undoubtedly be empowered by what they do, there is an exchange.  At some point, it is up to the client to determine what will happen.  You can argue that burlesque performances are partly influenced by producers and paying audience members, but for those few minutes during which a dancer is on-stage, they are in total control.  It's like the difference between giving a speech in front of a large crowd and having a one-on-one conversation.  You can be great at presentations or acting and yet be socially awkward.  The two situations call for different skills that occasionally overlap.  I have skills and the willingness to do one (burlesque) but not the other (anything that involves an exchange that is sexual), and so I don't consider myself a sex worker at all.

If you're still confused, then perhaps you can take comfort in knowing that I struggle to understand the appeal of sex.  It's not that I don't like it or don't have hormonal urges, but when you don't have that attraction driving you, there's not really a motivation to seek it.  Then you start wondering why sex is everywhere and on everyone's minds.  Some people are just wired differently from the majority of the population, but that's why it's important to listen to their perspectives, as they can broaden your view of the world.

The Birth of Boomer and a New Producer

"This is love. These people loved me. I loved them. I didn't pretend to feel something so I could screw people over. I loved them. And then I betrayed them. I shot a man I loved. Frakked over another man, ruined his life. And why? Because I'm a lying machine. I'm a frakking Cylon!" - Sharon "Boomer" Valerii, Battlestar Galactica

I've never wanted to be a producer—not when I started burlesque, not when I did theatre in college.  In fact, when one of my roommates became a producer for Much Ado About Nothing and the other became the A.D., I helped them out while asserting that I be called "Head Minion" and not "Assistant Producer".  However, as my burlesque (and now drag) journey has revealed, "never" is not actually a permanent term.

Joining the Tuesday Tease production team changed my perspective.  As a producer, I could give back to the community and help provide space for marginalized voices.  Plus I had ideas (and extant producers already had plenty of their own).  I needed a lot of guidance before I was ready to produce, but I also wanted the crew to be aware that I wanted to be more involved.  Therefore when the idea that I co-produce a nerdy Tease with Lillith Grey came forth, I knew it would be time…time for Dawn of the Nerd.  *cue dramatic music*

By Brandy Lynne Photography
www.brandylynnephotography.com

That didn't make the task any more daunting, especially since I wanted to perform too.  Had my routine been anything other than "Birth of Boomer", I probably would have shelved it.  That's because "Birth of Boomer" was a Battlestar Galactica-inspired reverse striptease.  If I performed first and came with hair and make-up ready, I could exit already dressed and ready to step into the boots of a producer.

Ever since I saw Battlestar Galactica, I wanted to dance to the soundtrack.  Bear McCreary's use of percussion just stirs up something inside of me.  I never got to do my belly dance routine to one of his songs, but now I could do a burlesque tribute.

My other inspiration was Stormy Leather's Cylon act.  Her embodiment of a Cylon's dual nature—mechanical and organic, threatening and sexy— really blew me away.  Although it can be easy to fall into the trap of imitating those you admire, I made sure to focus on my vision, which took a different approach to another Cylon character.

By Brandy Lynne Photography
www.brandylynnephotography.com

A reverse strip made the most sense to what I wanted to portray: Cylon resurrection and the creation of the sleeper agent Sharon "Boomer" Valerii.  Bear's music is so primal yet the series takes place in the future—another dichotomy I wanted to portray.  I also decided to make the glowing spine to add a sexy touch to the routine and a reveal.  The tutorial I followed probably did not intend for the wearer to be dancing around nearly nude, and I wound up with more wires than I would have liked.  However, I'm proud of my prototype, as well as the final product that is "Birth of Boomer".

While all of this was happening, I was booking acts for the show.  Lillith helped with the logistics, but I had to come up with the line-up.  I realized that I didn't know as many performers and acts as I had thought and that I might have gone a little too specific with the post-apocalyptic theme.  After experiencing some cancellations, I thought maybe the show was cursed, but I learned that this is the struggle of all producers.

At a show, there's a lot of little things going on backstage that you don't notice until it's your job.  I'm not just talking about the activities of stage kittens and tom cats.  You have to coordinate with the sound person, the host, the stage manager, and the venue.  Also, lists are your best friend.  Next time I'll definitely more prepared.

Despite a couple of hiccups, the show went well.  "Birth of Boomer" was probably an odd opener because people expect clothes to be taken off and it is a more serious number.  However, the Battlestar Galactica fans enjoyed it, and I had fun. 


I was bummed about not being able to celebrate afterward, but I was immensely thankful for all the performers giving 110% out there, the crowd for their enthusiastic support, Friskey Business for managing backstage, and Lillith for her guidance.  While producing is still a scary job to me, I'm willing to give it a shot again.  Before that happens, you can catch me (and my drag clone Tony Fo-Hawk) back at Tuesday Tease next week with all-new routines:

Creating Tony: Went the Distance/ Now I'm Not Gonna Stop

"Yet it is in our idleness, in our dreams, that the submerged truth sometimes comes to the top." - Virginia Woolf, A Room of One's Own

After Tony Fo-Hawk's debut, I figured there would be some time before he reappeared again.  he has a very specific aesthetic that doesn't work with many themes, and I needed time to hone my skills.  I can't just magically recall all the skateboarding and lip synch skills I had fifteen years ago.  Plus I had to focus on Muggle matters (much like what I've been doing as of late).

Photo by KWN Design
(www.facebook.com/KWNdesignPage)

Just as with The Ring, an opportunity I could not resist came my way.  Tuesday Tease had a couple of open spots pop up for their feline-themed show.  I didn't have a cat routine, but in the middle of an experiment, I had an idea: "Eye of the Tiger".  It seemed both ridiculous and perfect.  After I realized that extreme martial arts was not something I could pull off (I can't somersault), I decided that Tony was the kind of guy who could cross-train with mixed martial arts.  The motocross company Metal Mulisha sponsored UFC fighters after all.

Although I had recalled my martial arts knowledge before, this was nothing like my "I'll Make a Man Out of You" routine, which called for fluidity and grace.  No, "Eye of the Tiger" needed to be rough and brutal.  It also called for push-ups, crunches, and chin-ups.  In high school, I messed up my shoulder to where it likes to pop any time I do a normal push-up.  During college, I learned tricep push-ups, and those I could do without feeling like I am going to dislocate my shoulder.  Crunches were easy enough, but chin-ups weren't exactly feasible due to my lack of strength and the lack of a proper bar.  I could, however, fake them on one of the rails in Sue Ellen's.

Putting together this act made me realize how people can enjoy traditional work-outs.  I still prefer dancing, but it's hard to not be pumped by "Eye of the Tiger".  Especially when you walk in like a hooded badass.  Due to the lack of time, I had to resort to buying a Batman robe, but in the end, I like that it's a throwback to "Black Glasses".  It links Tony Fo-Hawk and Hana Li.  Also, it's super warm and comfy (I'm wearing it right now actually).

Photo by KWN Design
(www.facebook.com/KWNdesignPage)

Anyway, I think people got a kick out of the act.  I was excited to hear some guys cheer when I went down for the push-ups since I was worried that my form was bad.  The rigorousness of the act did cause me to slip up on the lip synching so I think I could still use more rehearsing.  It's a good way to trick myself into working out more though, and I've found that some days, I just need to be Tony Fo-Hawk.

When I had committed to doing drag, I was going through some stressful times that only seemed to be getting worse.  Burlesque has been a wonderful escape, but it still reminds me of some doubts I have inside about my femininity and my identity overall.  In a way, I feel that Tony Fo-Hawk is closer to my real self than Hana Li even if I am definitely not that cocky or daring.  That's not to say that Tony is going to take over because Hana is more versatile and has a place right here.  I want to keep Tony pure in the sense that he knows what he wants and does those things.  He's the person I wish I could be when life is complicated; and, as I discovered upon seeing photos of my performance and my selfies, he's the person I want to look like on a regular basis.  Now if only that hair wasn't such a pain to do…

Creating Tony: Debuting Tony, as Sage

"I'm not going to succumb to to just doing normal stuff, and not how I really snowboard, because I think that's wacked.  I kept going and I kept it weird." - Sage Kotsenburg, 2014 Men's Snowboard Slopestyle Olympic gold medalist

Apologies for taking so long to write Part 2 of this series (click here for Part 1).  The past month has been extremely hectic with major happenings in with my lab teching and my striptease.  One of them I would like to share as my first-ever show as co-producer.  Lillith and I are bringing a very special Tuesday Tease, and I will also be debuting a new routine.  I hope you can make it out.

Flyer by Lillith Grey

Okay now back to your regularly scheduled programming.  Once upon a time, I had an idea of a sick burlesque routine where I would strip while skateboarding.  My dream was to incorporate two things I really love: action sports and burlesque.  One problem: I hadn't skateboarded in years.  Although that could be remedied,  I read about Leticia Bufoni's struggles with skating nude for ESPN The Magazine's "The Body Issue" and started to have second thoughts.  Plus I had discarded clothes to worry about.  As I started contemplating drag, I realized that this routine would be perfect for my king alter-ego.

The opportunity to make this reality came much sooner than expected.  Tuesday Tease put out a call for all things involving a ring.  I had submitted an idea for a burlesque routine playing off a telephone ringing and would have left it at that.  However, no one had claimed the Olympic rings, and basically my train of thought was, "Hmm, snowboarding is in the Olympics.  That's kind of like skateboarding.  I can do this."  Granted, it was a lot sooner than expected, but if there was a time to "go big or go home", it was here.

I based the act on Sage Kotsenburg's victory in the first snowboard slopestyle competition in the Olympics.  "Favorite Son" from American Idiot the Musical is not a positive song so I initially did not want to use it.  However, it was so catchy, and it fit with the cocky alter-ego I had created.  Sage may be America's raddest sweetheart, but Tony Fo-Hawk is the person I would be if I didn't have to worry about getting along with others.

 

Having created someone who absolutely did not give a damn saved me from the real world stresses creeping into all aspects of my life.  There were evenings when I just got on my skateboard after work and felt so much better.  I re-learned the basic skills and tried to see if I could spin on the tail and maybe finally figure out how to ollie (even though you don't do those on snowboards).  Tony gave me the resolve to start skating again, and I'm thankful for it.  I think I’m a lot closer to ollie-ing than I ever was when I was a teenager.

Unfortunately the real world worries did creep into my mind on show day.  Having to go first was nerve-wracking even if it was as Hana.  At least that got me into show mode.  However, another nightmarish contact scenario happened right as I was going from female to male.  I went into major panic mode trying to find a missing contact (which equals losing $200 and the ability to perform without glasses), and I am forever appreciative of my fellow performers and the Tease team for helping out.  Thankfully it was just hiding behind my bag.  There were some other hiccups that kept me from my best performance.  I know we all can't be perfect, but I don't like knowing that I could have done better, even if some things were not in my control.

Hana's act for The Ring
Photo by Brandy Barham
(www.brandylynnephotography.com)

Tony's debut as Sage Kotsenburg
Photo by Brandy Barham
(www.brandylynnephotography)

At the end of the evening though, and in Tony's eyes, I had fun and that's all that matters.  I was excited to share this part of me, which sometimes feels more like the real me than any side of Hana Li you see on-stage.  On top of this, freeskiier and Sage's fellow Olympian, Gus Kenworthy, had come out the previous week.  It was the first time an action sports athlete had made such an open declaration, and that contributed to the fire within.  Action sports needed some queerness, and I'd like to think that queerlesque could use some action sports.

 Thank you to Musico Roots for taking video!

Creating Tony: From Tuxedo Mask to James Dean

"Being a good actor isn’t easy. Being a man is even harder. I want to be both before I’m done." - James Dean

Tuesday Tease: StripToons
By Brandy Lynne Photography
(brandylynnephotography.com)

One day, I posted on Facebook about how I probably should be doing drag rather than burlesque, given my penchant for cross-dressing, but then I wouldn't enjoy the fun of striptease.  A couple friends asked why I couldn't do both, and Lillith Grey reminded me that this is why queerlesque exists.  Although Tuxedo Mask was not my first attempt at androgyny, it was the act that got me re-thinkingmy aesthetic.  I never intended the routine to be full-on drag, just convincing enough to portray the character.  Nevertheless, at times, I wish I didn't wear a push-up bra underneath or sparkly ballroom heels so that I could look more like a man in the beginning.  Other times, I wonder how I got to this point when burlesque was supposed to be an expression of my feminine side.

Accepting that goals can change—evident with my shift from wanting to cosplay Sailor Mars to Tuxedo Mask— gave me a new perspective.  Over the summer, I was thinking about a new act and noticed a few shows centered on classic movie stars.  The glamorous screen siren did not interest to me unless it was Anna May Wong, but even then, I didn't feel inspired.  One night, I was listening to the radio and Taylor Swift's "Style" came on.  In the song, she mentioned James Dean, and I got the idea that he would be my Hollywood icon.

All the cards fell into place with the next No Mija Productions/Fuego Danza Company show.  You see, around the time Ricky Martin was huge and everyone wanted to do a Latin-inspired song, the singer/actor Jacob Young had a minor hit with his James Dean tribute, "Life Is Good".  With LilyLeCroix's help, I added some salsa elements into my routine.  I've spent so much time in recent years, focusing on a feminine dance style that trying to salsa like a guy was harder than expected.  I was also able to use the lessons from Miss Indigo Blue's workshop during the San Antonio BurlesqueFestival to better convey angst and anguish.

No Mija Productions:  ¡Ritmo Caliente!
By Mr. Photopix
(www.mrphotopix.com)

Despite the simplicity of his Rebel Without a Cause outfit, assembling the costume took some work.  I accidentally bought the wrong size jacket, but with advice from The Companion and my drag king/fashion designer friend Corvin Rose, I altered it as best as I can.  The breakaway jeans were made by Threads by Mayhem, and after searching for the right red bottoms, I happened upon the perfect thong by Calamity Chang.  Everything fell into place…except the actual performance.

No Mija Productions:  ¡Ritmo Caliente!
By Mr. Photopix
(www.mrphotopix.com)

One of my greatest fears used to be popping a pastie.  I had prudishly drawn a metaphorical line of what I allowed myself to expose at the nipple.  It's silly, I know.  When it happened, I wound up being more frustrated than mortified because it was a completely preventable accident.  Thankfully I had assels so the audience got more booty than usual.

Oh well, you live and learn.  The important part is that I had fun.  I really enjoyed adopting James Dean's attitude and returning to a more masculine dance style.  The early concepts for the act had been more drag in nature, and I wondered what the experience would have been like had I went that direction.  Thus, a seed was planted in my mind…

Upcoming show: Tuesday Tease (as Tony Fo-Hawk)

If you missed Tony Fo-Hawk's debut last month, here's your chance to see him again.  He'll be making an appearance at the next Tuesday Tease, which is feline-themed.  His act will be a little different from what you may expect...

I've also become a member of the Tuesday Tease production team.   Currently I'm focused on the publicity, but I look forward to learning what really goes on behind the scenes and helping the queerlesque community.

Lastly, since I want to thank everyone who bought Ladies of Power mini-prints at the Texas Burlesque Peepshow: Villains and Villainesses show on Halloween.  I wound up stage kittening that night so the table wasn't set up until later.  However, with The Companion's great salesman abilities, we were able to make some money for charity.

My Halloween/stage kitten outfit,
a revamped version of Envy Adams
from Scott Pilgrim vs. the World

Identity Revisited

"We are rag dolls made out of many ages and skins, changelings who have slept in wood nests or hissed in the uncouth guise of waddling amphibians.  We have played such roles for infinitely longer ages than we have been men.  Our identity is a dream." - Loren Eisley, The Unexpected Universe

Originally I had planned on revisiting my "Identity in Burlesque" post in the context of the racial discussions that have cropped up in burlesque and cosplay, as well as a follow-up to National Coming Out Day.  However, the former has been addressed by many already (please check out those links), and I don't really need to come out again.  Rather I've been turning inward, and so that's what this update will be about.

Repping asexuality and
genderqueerness at the 2014
pride parade

I have been asking myself questions as of late.  Where does Hana Li end and Tony Fo-Hawk begin?  Do I continue developing my O-Ren Ishii act when it doesn't feel "me" yet its message is so important to me?  Can I pull off an asexual pride act?  Does my tagline still work if I'm no longer a lab tech?  Will I have to chance the background of this blog when I stop working with flies?

The last two questions seem frivolous, but they are a part of who I am.  As much as I try to keep my mundane self out of Hana Li, we're still one person at the end of the day.  Through my hamstring injury, which turned out to be a consequence of a lower back problem, I learned that you can't keep your identities completely separate when you share a body.

Likewise I cannot keep my politics apart from my art because my body is political on many levels.  It's just like how burlesque (in its current form) is always sexual.  I've seen that discussion pop up, and I debate whether I should jump in with my own two cents as a grey-asexual.  Just because the art is sexual doesn't mean that the performer is.  I know some of you may struggle with reconciling that, but know that I still struggle with being viewed sexually.

O-Ren Ishii's Chinese side comes out at
A Plumb Askew Revue: Popcorn and Pasties.
By Miracle Bennet
HAMU by Vivienne Vermuth

Further complicating that is how my race often gets sexualized.  I want to be more political in terms of presenting myself as an Asian woman, and that's partly why I still feel dissatisfied with my O-Ren Ishii act.  It's about one's Asian and American identity, and I don't think that's 100% clear.   I also worry about being appropriative as I am not Japanese.  Lastly, the act doesn't feel like it fits with the identity I have developed as Hana Li.

Maybe my inner O-Ren is an aspect of myself I need to further explore, but that brings me to the first question I had asked.  Burlesque was supposed to be a way for me to express my feminine side.  However, I have been unable to ignore my masculine side.  I get my inspiration from male characters, and I'm more a pants type of gal than a glove-and-gown type.  If you've been following my career thus far, you may have noticed that I am getting more androgynous.  That's who I really am inside, and I've figured out how to incorporate my classic training to suit that aesthetic.  I never intended to do drag, but that was inevitable with the way I have been progressing.  Tony can do things that don't work well with Hana.

My next couple of posts are going to return to recapping my performances from the last few months.  Instead of going chronologically though,  I'm going to trace how I've learned to embrace my genderqueerness and how Tony Fo-Hawk came to be.  I’m excited to have you along for the ride.

Tony Fo-Hawk
By Tanya Forno