I've been busy working on a bunch of things lately, but I'll resume blogging in May. In the meantime I'd like to share some of my cosplay photos from All-con by Neither Noir.
Lois Lane (DC Bombshells)
Flannery (Pokemon anime)
Tuxedo Mask (Sailor Moon)
One of the things I've been working on is producing a new Tuesday Tease. The show is this Tuesday and is comic book-themed. Please come by if you're in the area. We're having a costume contest too!
"Never was a girl with a wicked mind
But everything looks better when the sun goes down" - "Make Me Wanna Die" by The Pretty Reckless
Since the
Tuesday Tease Team announced the themes for our winter/spring season, the gears
in my head started turning.The
Celebrity Crush show jumped out at me because a lot of my crushes stem from a
deep admiration.I love them because I
want to be like them, and this was my opportunity to embody the traits I wish
to have while simultaneously highlighting the things we have in common.The question remained: who would I portray?
Initially
I thought it would be amusing to be a fictional character, but people would just
think I'm the actor.I could have Tony Fo-Hawk impersonate another action sports athlete, but the winter months made
it hard to train and lack of recognition would make the act a harder sell.Eventually I settled on two musicians: Taylor
Momsen of The Pretty Reckless and Billie Joe Armstrong of Green Day.My Billie Joe act grew into a bigger monster
due the influence American Idiot and
the corresponding Broadway musical had on my life.Therefore I'm saving that for another post.
Photo by Brandy Lynne Photography
One of the
ways I express my crushes is through cosplay.As a sucker for badass rocker girls, I've been a huge fan of The Pretty
Reckless and Taylor Momsen.For a few
years now, I've wanted to cosplays her
as her Gossip Girl character, Jenny Humphrey, from the later seasons.Since that never happened, I could do a
routine to The Pretty Reckless, who have some sexy tunes.Hell, Taylor herself strips in the video for
"Make Me Wanna Die".
Taylor is
so brazen with her attitude and sexuality that I knew this tribute act would be
a challenge.At the same time, I was
excited to truly get down and dirty.Even if I'm not very sexual in real life, I can create the illusion.That's what drew me to burlesque in the first
place.
Trying to
figure out the costume was simultaneously easy and hard.Taylor's aesthetic crossed over a little bit
with Nana Osaki (a rock 'n' roll manga character I love cosplaying), and I saw many photos of her studded white Sex Trash dress, which I could easily replicate. However, I needed
to amp up the sex appeal and get higher heels.The latter scared me because I wanted to incorporate more complex dance
moves, including a transition to the floor that I learned in a workshop with Red Bone.Thankfully I found some sturdy
heels and broke them in at one of the Dallas Burlesque Festival shows.I also did a lot of practicing in my tiny
kitchen to make sure I wouldn't slip.
Photo by Brandy Lynne Photography
Performing
as Taylor Momsen gave me a newfound sense of power on-stage.While The Pretty Reckless' songs always get
me amped up, putting on the wig and the make-up was a complete
transformation.The sexy moves I felt
awkward when I'm in dance class or practicing on my own doing felt more
natural.I interacted the crowd a lot
more (and earned a new fan afterward).Rock music has always helped me express a side that often gets
suppressed, and I'm glad I had the chance to bring that side to the burlesque
stage.I don't have to be an awkward
tomboy nerd all the time—I can be bold, naughty, fierce, and wild.I can be a little bit cool like Taylor.
This new-found attitude will hopefully manifest itself in my next performance. The Tarantino show is back, which means the return of O-Ren Ishii. Click here for tickets.
For those of you who don't know already, Japan holds a special place in my heart. I lived there for a year in a city not too far from where the earthquake and tsunami hit in 2011. Although I was already back in the U.S. then, I knew many people there that it was a very difficult couple of weeks. Now it's been five years, and I want to do something special.
Today, and today only (March 11), I am holding a special with my Ladies of Power prints. Not only will the money you spend go towards Girls Education International as on any other day, but I will also contribute the exact same amount to the Taylor Anderson Memorial Fund on top of what I donate annually. Supplies are limited, but if there is enough of a demand, I may take orders via Facebook and order a new batch. Click here to buy the prints.
Photo by HendrixHunter Photography
Photo by HendrixHunter Photography HAMU by Meghan Palla
In other news, I will be appearing at All-con doing several panels with some friends (along with a new one solo). Hope to see you there!
Friday, March 18
- 2 PM: Nerdlesque - 7 PM: History of Burlesque - 8 PM: Ladies of Power (17+ version)
Saturday
- 11 AM: Ladies of Power - 2 PM: Classic Hollywood's Forgotten Asian Superstars - 7 PM: Ignorance and Fandom
Sunday
- 11 AM: Nerdlesque
All-con 2014 - Nerdlesque panel with Black Mariah Photo by Long Le
"Sex is more exciting on the screen and between the pages than between the sheets." - Andy Warhol
I talk aboutmy orientation—grey-asexual—a lot.That's because many people still don't know that asexuality, much less
grey-asexuality or greysexuality (I go with grey-a because I lean towards the ace
side of the spectrum), is an orientation and not just a mode of
reproduction.Furthermore, it gives me a
unique perspective on burlesque.
Recently
two articles have inspired me to revisit the subject of asexuality as it
relates to striptease.The first is The
Irresistible O's "Sexual Orientation and Burlesque: The Dirty Word",
which is about how burlesque is still not as open to queer performers as one
might think.We may be more accepting
than the mainstream, but the need for a queerlesque festival highlights the
fact that there's much more work to do.I had commented that I sometimes question whether I have a place when my
fellow performers emphasize the sexual aspect of burlesque.O encouraged me to share my view, and that's
what I have decided to do after I saw another article, "Burlesque Performer: You Are Not a Sex Worker" by Mary Cyn.When I tried to share why I agree with many
of her points, I noticed the connections with asexuality and thus this post was
born.
That sock I'm removing has the colors of ace pride. I couldn't resist. From Tuesday Tease: Dirty Nerdy By Arctic Fox Photography
Now I
don't deny that burlesque is inherently sexual.Whenever I see discussions on burlesque, I see attraction get linked to
sex though.It's expected since that's
how it works for most people, but it's time to stop assuming that there doesn't
exist a small portion of population who do not experience sexual attraction.Sex can be broken down into scientific steps
without any positive or negative connotations.If I show you a video of two fruit flies engaged in courtship and
mating, you're not going to think about lust or desire because they're flies.Nevertheless, they're still having sex.
I approach
burlesque in the same way I would approach those fly courtship videos: with
careful analysis of the specific steps.This
has nothing to do with my scientific
background and everything with the
fact that I don't typically experience sexual attraction.It's easier to treat this aspect of human behavior
as a research topic because I don’t have much else to go on.
What I
present on stage is sexual in that it typically has something to do with sex—be
it the moves, tone, or politics.That's
it.In a way, I'm going through the
motions, but I have enough understanding of human behavior to know what the
audience will think I'm suggesting.Plus
there's other emotions and intentions being expressed in my performance.It becomes a game.I present an illusion and try to get the
audience to see through it into the many non-sexual emotions and concepts I've
layered into the routine.Burlesque, to
me, is about power.
I thought this was fitting. Artwork by Alice X. Zhang
This is
where I draw the distinction between me and a sex worker.Although sex workers can undoubtedly be
empowered by what they do, there is an exchange.At some point, it is up to the client to
determine what will happen.You can
argue that burlesque performances are partly influenced by producers and paying
audience members, but for those few minutes during which a dancer is on-stage,
they are in total control.It's like the
difference between giving a speech in front of a large crowd and having a
one-on-one conversation.You can be
great at presentations or acting and yet be socially awkward.The two situations call for different skills
that occasionally overlap.I have skills
and the willingness to do one (burlesque) but not the other (anything that
involves an exchange that is sexual), and so I don't consider myself a sex
worker at all.
If you're
still confused, then perhaps you can take comfort in knowing that I struggle to
understand the appeal of sex.It's not
that I don't like it or don't have hormonal urges, but when you don't have that
attraction driving you, there's not really a motivation to seek it.Then you start wondering why sex is everywhere
and on everyone's minds.Some people are
just wired differently from the majority of the population, but that's why it's
important to listen to their perspectives, as they can broaden your view of the
world.
"This is love. These people loved me. I loved them. I didn't pretend to
feel something so I could screw people over. I loved them. And then I
betrayed them. I shot a man I loved. Frakked over another man, ruined
his life. And why? Because I'm a lying machine. I'm a frakking Cylon!" - Sharon "Boomer" Valerii, Battlestar Galactica
I've never
wanted to be a producer—not when I started burlesque, not when I did theatre in
college.In fact, when one of my
roommates became a producer for Much Ado
About Nothing and the other became the A.D., I helped them out while
asserting that I be called "Head Minion" and not "Assistant Producer".However, as my burlesque (and now drag) journey has revealed,
"never" is not actually a permanent term.
Joining
the Tuesday Tease production team changed my perspective.As a producer, I could give back to the
community and help provide space for marginalized voices.Plus I had ideas (and extant producers
already had plenty of their own).I needed
a lot of guidance before I was ready to produce, but I also wanted the crew to
be aware that I wanted to be more involved.Therefore when the idea that I co-produce a nerdy Tease with Lillith Grey came forth, I knew it would be time…time for Dawn of the Nerd. *cue dramatic music*
By Brandy Lynne Photography
www.brandylynnephotography.com
That
didn't make the task any more daunting, especially since I wanted to perform
too.Had my routine been anything
other than "Birth of Boomer", I probably would have shelved it.That's because "Birth of Boomer"
was a Battlestar Galactica-inspired
reverse striptease.If I performed first
and came with hair and make-up ready, I could exit already dressed and ready to
step into the boots of a producer.
Ever since
I saw Battlestar Galactica, I wanted
to dance to the soundtrack.Bear
McCreary's use of percussion just stirs up something inside of me.I never got to do my belly dance routine to
one of his songs, but now I could do a burlesque tribute.
My other
inspiration was Stormy Leather's Cylon act.Her embodiment of a Cylon's dual nature—mechanical and organic,
threatening and sexy— really blew me away.Although it can be easy to fall into the trap of imitating those you
admire, I made sure to focus on my vision, which took a different approach to
another Cylon character.
By Brandy Lynne Photography
www.brandylynnephotography.com
A reverse
strip made the most sense to what I wanted to portray: Cylon resurrection and
the creation of the sleeper agent Sharon "Boomer" Valerii.Bear's music is so primal yet the series
takes place in the future—another dichotomy I wanted to portray.I also decided to make the glowing spine to
add a sexy touch to the routine and a reveal.The tutorial I followed probably did not intend for the wearer to be
dancing around nearly nude, and I wound up with more wires than I would have
liked.However, I'm proud of my
prototype, as well as the final product that is "Birth of Boomer".
While all
of this was happening, I was booking acts for the show.Lillith helped with the logistics, but I had
to come up with the line-up.I realized
that I didn't know as many performers and acts as I had thought and that I might
have gone a little too specific with the post-apocalyptic theme.After experiencing some cancellations, I
thought maybe the show was cursed, but I learned that this is the struggle of
all producers.
At a show,
there's a lot of little things going on backstage that you don't notice until
it's your job.I'm not just talking
about the activities of stage kittens and tom cats.You have to coordinate with the sound person,
the host, the stage manager, and the venue. Also, lists are your best friend.Next time I'll definitely more prepared.
Despite a couple
of hiccups, the show went well."Birth of Boomer" was probably an odd opener because people
expect clothes to be taken off and it is a more serious number.However, the Battlestar Galactica fans enjoyed it, and I had fun.
I was bummed about not being able to
celebrate afterward, but I was immensely thankful for all the performers giving
110% out there, the crowd for their enthusiastic support, Friskey Business for
managing backstage, and Lillith for her guidance.While producing is still a scary job to me,
I'm willing to give it a shot again. Before that happens, you can catch me (and my drag clone Tony Fo-Hawk) back at Tuesday Tease next week with all-new routines:
"Yet it is in our idleness, in our dreams, that the submerged truth sometimes comes to the top." - Virginia Woolf, A Room of One's Own
After Tony
Fo-Hawk's debut, I figured there would be some time before he reappeared
again.he has a very specific aesthetic
that doesn't work with many themes, and I needed time to hone my skills.I can't just magically recall all the
skateboarding and lip synch skills I had fifteen years ago.Plus I had to focus on Muggle matters (much
like what I've been doing as of late).
Photo by KWN Design
(www.facebook.com/KWNdesignPage)
Just as
with The Ring, an opportunity I could not resist came my way.Tuesday Tease had a couple of open spots pop
up for their feline-themed show.I didn't have a cat routine, but in the middle of an experiment, I had an idea:
"Eye of the Tiger".It seemed
both ridiculous and perfect.After I
realized that extreme martial arts was not something I could pull off (I can't
somersault), I decided that Tony was the kind of guy who could cross-train with
mixed martial arts.The motocross
company Metal Mulisha sponsored UFC fighters after all.
Although I
had recalled my martial arts knowledge before, this was nothing like my
"I'll Make a Man Out of You" routine, which called for fluidity and
grace.No, "Eye of the Tiger"
needed to be rough and brutal.It also
called for push-ups, crunches, and chin-ups.In high school, I messed up my shoulder to where it likes to pop any
time I do a normal push-up.During college, I learned tricep push-ups, and those I could do
without feeling like I am going to dislocate my shoulder.Crunches were easy enough, but chin-ups
weren't exactly feasible due to my lack of strength and the lack of a proper bar.I could, however, fake them on one of the
rails in Sue Ellen's.
Putting
together this act made me realize how people can enjoy traditional
work-outs.I still prefer dancing, but
it's hard to not be pumped by "Eye of the Tiger".Especially when you walk in like a hooded
badass.Due to the lack of time, I had
to resort to buying a Batman robe, but in the end, I like that it's a throwback
to "Black Glasses".It links
Tony Fo-Hawk and Hana Li.Also, it's
super warm and comfy (I'm wearing it right now actually).
Photo by KWN Design
(www.facebook.com/KWNdesignPage)
Anyway, I
think people got a kick out of the act.I was excited to hear some guys cheer when I went down for the push-ups
since I was worried that my form was bad.The rigorousness of the act did cause me to slip up on the lip synching
so I think I could still use more rehearsing.It's a good way to trick myself into working out more though, and I've found
that some days, I just need to be Tony Fo-Hawk.
When I had
committed to doing drag, I was going through some stressful times that only
seemed to be getting worse.Burlesque
has been a wonderful escape, but it still reminds me of some doubts I have
inside about my femininity and my identity overall.In a way, I feel that Tony Fo-Hawk is closer to
my real self than Hana Li even if I am definitely not that cocky or daring. That's not to say that Tony is going to take
over because Hana is more versatile and has a place right here.I want to keep Tony pure in the sense that he
knows what he wants and does those things.He's the person I wish I could be when life is complicated; and, as I
discovered upon seeing photos of my performance and my selfies, he's the person
I want to look like on a regular basis.Now if only that hair wasn't such a pain to do…
"I'm not going to succumb to to just doing normal stuff, and not how I really snowboard, because I think that's wacked. I kept going and I kept it weird." - Sage Kotsenburg, 2014 Men's Snowboard Slopestyle Olympic gold medalist
Apologies
for taking so long to write Part 2 of this series (click here for Part 1).The past month has been extremely hectic with
major happenings in with my lab teching and my striptease.One of them I would like to share as my
first-ever show as co-producer.Lillith
and I are bringing a very special Tuesday Tease, and I will also be debuting a
new routine.I hope you can make it out.
Flyer by Lillith Grey
Okay now
back to your regularly scheduled programming.Once upon a time, I had an idea of a sick burlesque routine where I
would strip while skateboarding.My
dream was to incorporate two things I really love: action sports and
burlesque.One problem: I hadn't
skateboarded in years.Although that
could be remedied, I read about Leticia Bufoni's struggles with skating nude for ESPN
The Magazine's "The Body Issue" and started to have second
thoughts.Plus I had discarded clothes to
worry about.As I started contemplating
drag, I realized that this routine would be perfect for my king alter-ego.
The
opportunity to make this reality came much sooner than expected.Tuesday Tease put out a call for all things
involving a ring.I had submitted an
idea for a burlesque routine playing off a telephone ringing and would have
left it at that.However, no one had
claimed the Olympic rings, and basically my train of thought was, "Hmm,
snowboarding is in the Olympics.That's
kind of like skateboarding. I can do
this."Granted, it was a lot sooner
than expected, but if there was a time to "go big or go home", it was
here.
I based
the act on Sage Kotsenburg's victory in the first snowboard slopestyle
competition in the Olympics."Favorite Son" from American
Idiot the Musical is not a positive song so I initially did not want to use
it.However, it was so catchy, and it
fit with the cocky alter-ego I had created.Sage may be America's raddest sweetheart, but Tony Fo-Hawk is the person
I would be if I didn't have to worry about getting along with others.
Having
created someone who absolutely did not give a damn saved me from the real world
stresses creeping into all aspects of my life.There were evenings when I just got on my skateboard after work and felt
so much better.I re-learned the basic
skills and tried to see if I could spin on the tail and maybe finally figure out
how to ollie (even though you don't do those on snowboards).Tony gave me the resolve to start skating
again, and I'm thankful for it.I think I’m
a lot closer to ollie-ing than I ever was when I was a teenager.
Unfortunately
the real world worries did creep into my mind on show day.Having to go first was nerve-wracking even if
it was as Hana.At least that got me
into show mode.However, another
nightmarish contact scenario happened right as I was going from female to male.I went into major panic mode trying to find a
missing contact (which equals losing $200 and the ability to perform without glasses), and I am forever
appreciative of my fellow performers and the Tease team for helping out.Thankfully it was just hiding behind my
bag. There were some other hiccups that kept me from my best performance. I know we all can't be perfect, but
I don't like knowing that I could have done better, even if some things were
not in my control.
Hana's act for The Ring
Photo by Brandy Barham
(www.brandylynnephotography.com)
Tony's debut as Sage Kotsenburg
Photo by Brandy Barham
(www.brandylynnephotography)
At the end
of the evening though, and in Tony's eyes, I had fun and that's all that matters. I was excited to share this part of me, which
sometimes feels more like the real me than any side of Hana Li you see
on-stage.On top of this, freeskiier and
Sage's fellow Olympian, Gus Kenworthy, had come out the previous week.It was the first time an action sports
athlete had made such an open declaration, and that contributed to the fire
within.Action sports needed some
queerness, and I'd like to think that queerlesque could use some action sports.
