Love Triumphs Over All, Including Storms and Forgetfulness

"Things need not have happened to be true. Tales and dreams are the shadow-truths that will endure when mere facts are dust and ashes, and forgot." - Morpheus, Sandman

I saved the freaking out for the stage.
Photo by KWN Design
www.kwndesign.com

The beginning of April was uneventful, which gave me to time to focus on producing my next Tuesday Tease and get a handle on the effects of my medication.  I've struggled with anxiety for a while but only started pharmacological treatment recently.  The meds caused drowsiness and disrupted my sleep patterns, making me sluggish and scatterbrained.  I had one of those weeks where I just kept forgetting things, and unfortunately that happened with the week of my two shows at Tuesday Tease and Glitterbomb.

I'm sure stress was a factor, particularly with Tuesday Tease.  Lillith was more hands-off this time, but I knew that going in.  The theme was comic books, and everything ready to go a week ahead.  Then scheduling conflicts popped up.  I learned my lesson with Dawn of the Nerd and immediately started contacting back-ups.  I also ran through "Black Glasses" in case I needed to step in last minute.  It turned out I did.

Since I had made Plans B, C, and D, I wasn't too worried the day of the show.  However, a severe thunderstorm that could potentially develop into a tornado decided to hit.  I kept my eyes on the weather report, and the cast decided that the show must go on.  Every member of the cast and crew (including our photographers) deserve so much props for making it out.  I also have to commend the small but dedicated crowd of Tease fans and comic book geeks (as well as some newbies).  It was fun to meet people who hadn't seen "Black Glasses", and I don't think anybody cared that I forgot my Hulk shorts.

Cast and crew of Tuesday Tease: Queer-oes!
Photo by Brandy Lynne Photography
www.brandylynnephotography.com

The same week, I was to perform at a special Glitterbomb show that also doubled as the wedding ceremony for my Academy of Queerlesque classmate Cheyenne and her partner Nephenee.  Our mutual friend Melanie was kind enough to give me a ride, allowing me to do the show and attend the wedding.  However, I managed to forget part of my costume again.  I felt really bad for missing part of the ceremony to search.  At the same time, I wanted to pull off a good performance, and I needed to be ready.  It turned out that I had forgotten to transfer the things to another bag because they were in a separate bag (I put shoes in a plastic bag so they don't get my luggage and clothes dirty).

Despite that stressful moment, I was very moved by the words exchanged between the brides, and that helped clear my mind.  I improvised the missing bits and used this as an opportunity to see how I could work the crowd without relying on anything but my body.  The Glitterbomb audience loved my "Ring Ring Ring" act, and I was honored to be a part of this special show, especially after learning that Cheyenne had introduced her wife to this blog.  It's great to have people champion your work because while I've learned at a young age to rely on myself, supporters give you that extra push to try even harder and go that extra mile.  I hope Nephenee and Cheyenne are doing well in Canada!

I'm happy to say I haven't been as forgetful as I was that week… at least with burlesque (I still sometimes have to go back to lab to put something up).  Both shows reminded me that even if I primarily dance for myself, I do have an audience to entertain.  On the flipside, that also means I have supporters.  They may not come to every one of my performances or be very vocal on-line, but they are there.  So thank you all for taking the time to watch me, follow me, and read my writing!

For those of you who are available, Tony Fo-Hawk is performing at tomorrow's Tuesday Tease.

Upcoming shows: Glitterbomb and Texas Queerlesque Festival

I was going to make a post about Orlando, but like many in the LGBTQIAP community, I'm struggling to find the right words.  Glitterbomb had a different theme this week, but we decided it would be best to celebrate us and our pride.  Therefore instead of just having Tony Fo-Hawk do two numbers, he and I are going to share the act that got us through some tough times.  Because sometimes we need a little rage.

The other act is still a solo from him.  If you're a fan of Hamilton, you don't want to miss it.  The show is tonight at Mable Peabody's.

I suppose now is a good time as any to announce that I have been accepted into the first-ever Texas Queerlesque Festival.  I'm performing in the Friday night Sequins and Sass Showcase.  It's going to be an amazing weekend, and if you want to volunteer, vend, or sit on the producers panel, please click on the link above for more info.

Familiar Stomping Grounds: All-con and the Tarantino Show

"Audiences know what to expect, and that is all they are prepared to believe in." - Player King, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead by Tom Stoppard

As you've noticed, I have been quiet lately, both here and on the stage.  I really burned myself out in March but couldn't stop going until the end of April.  Add in some changes to my health, and I've had to readjust my overall lifestyle.  It's a work in progress.  Oh and my photo editing program died on me (which is pertinent as you will find out later).

Inspired by one of my favorite BMX riders Scotty Cranmer, I attempted to start making video for Youtube.  However, my daily life isn't that exciting, and both lab and backstage have aspects that are off limits.  So it's back to writing, which better fits my skill set and technological resources.

By Neither Noir
www.neithernoir.com

I did seven panels at All-con this year.  Although I enjoy talking about all of the topics, that's a lot to handle.  Thankfully, and unfortunately, Vylette La'Pairadoux and I decided to put Ladies of Power on indefinite hiatus.  There are other cosplay charity groups and panels about social issues, and both of us are more focused on burlesque anyway.  I do have a new panel idea that I would like to submit next year, but I have to make sure I don't overdue.

Despite my exhaustion, I had a great time.  Ben Dover joined Black Mariah and me for the nerdlesque panel; it was cool getting a drag perspective.  As you may have seen with an earlier post, I got lots of wonderful photos by Neither Noir, including some of my new Flannery cosplay with The Companion as Flareon (both from Pokemon).  I even got to talk skateboarding with the guys!  Unfortunately I forgot to lint roll my shirt so I have to do some editing to get rid of Flareon's tail fluff. 

Shortly after All-con was the third Quentin Tarantino tribute: Burlesque Is a Basterd.  I debuted my O-Ren Ishii act at the last tribute so I was excited to show off the revamped version.  However, I initially did not feel as well-rehearsed, but I hustled during the days leading up to the show and focused on the areas that needed work.  Then my sword broke the night before the show.  The Companion was kind enough to make a late night run for glue and my dad has since then helped me reinforce the blade, but I'm thinking I need to scrap a particular move that I don't always execute successfully anyway.

By Firebird Images
www.firebirdimages.com

Regardless of that and my panic about being late as a result of my late work schedule (I should take show days off but it disrupts the lab a lot), this was probably my best performance as O-Ren.  I may not have gotten all the moves, but I really felt in character.  Practicing only the facial expressions has helped a lot.  I also added fishnets to the costume and realized how much they flatter my butt.  It makes a huge difference when you don't have much junk in the trunk!

By Firebird Images
www.firebirdimages.com

The cast and crew consisted of people I'd met from different shows, which was cool.  The crowd was awesome; one guy even recognized me from All-con!  I've been thinking about what I would do if I decided to bring a new routine to the next Tarantino tribute.  Honestly I haven't seen too many his films so I don't know.  I know Gogo Yubari is the obvious answer, but I'd have to learn how to spin poi (and make a less spiky weapon) to do her properly.  It's too early, and I'm only just feeling good about O-Ren.  Perhaps it's better to focus on continuing to improve the act.  It's sort of like my History of Burlesque panel at All-con.  Every year it's always popular (okay, not so much this year due to the timing and location), and it's got good content so I keep doing it.  Old and familiar isn't necessarily bad because they might not be so for others.

Celebrity Crush Tease Part 2: Son of Rage and Love

"I don't feel any shame, I won't apologize
When there ain't nowhere you can go" - "Jesus of Suburbia" by Green Day

As I mentioned in Part 1, Tony Fo-Hawk's Billie Joe Armstrong act for Tuesday Tease's Celebrity Crush show morphed into something else entirely.  Green Day's American Idiot is one of those albums that has changed my life forever.  It continued to do so through the years as I saw the "Jesus of Suburbia" music video and the Broadway musical.  I connected with the Jesus of Suburbia character (Johnny in the musical) so much that he partly inspired a short story of mine.  

Although my college theatre days were behind me by the time the stage production debuted, I still fantasized about playing Johnny or his alter-ego St. Jimmy, who has been portrayed by women.  I'd been thinking about whether I could do an American Idiot act for one of the Broadway-themed shows that occasionally pop up or even a punk rock show.  Then I found my opportunity with Celebrity Crush.

Photo by Brandy Lynne Photography

Because the Jesus of Suburbia had an alter-ego, I decided that this would be the one time that the Tony and Hana would share the stage in the same number.  While choreographing the routine, I realized that it could not only be about the dissatisfaction I felt with my current identity (outside the glitter world), but it could also explore my complicated relationship with gender.  You see, the musical version of "Jesus of Suburbia" features many cast members, including some of the women.  I decided to work the female vocals in to represent the transition from Tony to Hana.  I drew upon some classic burlesque moves to highlight my attempt to force femininity upon myself, which was what led me to burlesque in the first place.

The transition also reflection my constant questioning of whether my genderqueerness is a result of internalized misogyny or an actual reflection of who I am.  I don't think I'll ever have a definite answer, but I know that I am okay with people seeing me as female as long as they acknowledge that I do have a masculine side and do things that code as "male".  The ending of my act is supposed to reflect that.  As the Jesus of Suburbia leaves town in hopes of finding a better future, I go forward hoping to find acceptance, both from the people around me and myself.

Photo by Brandy Lynne Photography

Once I realized that this routine would represent my truest self, I really threw myself in the rehearsal process (I had the bruises to show for it).  This was also when I was struggling a lot with my new day job so it was nice to have an outlet for the frustration and self-loathing.  Once again, American Idiot has provided some solace for when things just seem to unbearable.  If I ever meet Green Day, I will have to give them so many thanks for giving me so much.

Speaking of giving, I'm making a rare appearance in Denton tomorrow to give Cheyenne and Nephenee a proper send-off to the North in marital bliss.  Cheyenne was one of my Academy of Queerlesque classmates and has always been supportive of my career.  So if you're in the neighborhood, please come celebrate with us at Glitterbomb!

All-con 2016 photos and upcoming show

I've been busy working on a bunch of things lately, but I'll resume blogging in May.  In the meantime I'd like to share some of my cosplay photos from All-con by Neither Noir.

Lois Lane (DC Bombshells)

Flannery (Pokemon anime)

Tuxedo Mask (Sailor Moon)

One of the things I've been working on is producing a new Tuesday Tease.  The show is this Tuesday and is comic book-themed.  Please come by if you're in the area.  We're having a costume contest too!

Flyer by Lisa Brank

Celeb Crush Tease Part 1: Make Me Wanna Dance Sexy

"Never was a girl with a wicked mind
But everything looks better when the sun goes down" - "Make Me Wanna Die" by The Pretty Reckless

Since the Tuesday Tease Team announced the themes for our winter/spring season, the gears in my head started turning.  The Celebrity Crush show jumped out at me because a lot of my crushes stem from a deep admiration.  I love them because I want to be like them, and this was my opportunity to embody the traits I wish to have while simultaneously highlighting the things we have in common.  The question remained: who would I portray?

Embed from Getty Images

Initially I thought it would be amusing to be a fictional character, but people would just think I'm the actor.  I could have Tony Fo-Hawk impersonate another action sports athlete, but the winter months made it hard to train and lack of recognition would make the act a harder sell.  Eventually I settled on two musicians: Taylor Momsen of The Pretty Reckless and Billie Joe Armstrong of Green Day.  My Billie Joe act grew into a bigger monster due the influence American Idiot and the corresponding Broadway musical had on my life.  Therefore I'm saving that for another post.

Photo by Brandy Lynne Photography

One of the ways I express my crushes is through cosplay.  As a sucker for badass rocker girls, I've been a huge fan of The Pretty Reckless and Taylor Momsen.  For a few years now, I've  wanted to cosplays her as her Gossip Girl character, Jenny Humphrey, from the later seasons.  Since that never happened, I could do a routine to The Pretty Reckless, who have some sexy tunes.  Hell, Taylor herself strips in the video for "Make Me Wanna Die".

Taylor is so brazen with her attitude and sexuality that I knew this tribute act would be a challenge.  At the same time, I was excited to truly get down and dirty.  Even if I'm not very sexual in real life, I can create the illusion.  That's what drew me to burlesque in the first place.

Trying to figure out the costume was simultaneously easy and hard.  Taylor's aesthetic crossed over a little bit with Nana Osaki (a rock 'n' roll manga character I love cosplaying), and I saw many photos of her studded white Sex Trash dress, which I could easily replicate.  However, I needed to amp up the sex appeal and get higher heels.  The latter scared me because I wanted to incorporate more complex dance moves, including a transition to the floor that I learned in a workshop with Red Bone.  Thankfully I found some sturdy heels and broke them in at one of the Dallas Burlesque Festival shows.  I also did a lot of practicing in my tiny kitchen to make sure I wouldn't slip.

Photo by Brandy Lynne Photography

Performing as Taylor Momsen gave me a newfound sense of power on-stage.  While The Pretty Reckless' songs always get me amped up, putting on the wig and the make-up was a complete transformation.  The sexy moves I felt awkward when I'm in dance class or practicing on my own doing felt more natural.  I interacted the crowd a lot more (and earned a new fan afterward).  Rock music has always helped me express a side that often gets suppressed, and I'm glad I had the chance to bring that side to the burlesque stage.  I don't have to be an awkward tomboy nerd all the time—I can be bold, naughty, fierce, and wild.  I can be a little bit cool like Taylor.

This new-found attitude will hopefully manifest itself in my next performance.  The Tarantino show is back, which means the return of O-Ren Ishii.  Click here for tickets.

3-11 Charity Matching and All-con Panels

For those of you who don't know already, Japan holds a special place in my heart.  I lived there for a year in a city not too far from where the earthquake and tsunami hit in 2011.  Although I was already back in the U.S. then, I knew many people there that it was a very difficult couple of weeks.  Now it's been five years, and I want to do something special.

Today, and today only (March 11), I am holding a special with my Ladies of Power prints.  Not only will the money you spend go towards Girls Education International as on any other day, but I will also contribute the exact same amount to the Taylor Anderson Memorial Fund on top of what I donate annually. Supplies are limited, but if there is enough of a demand, I may take orders via Facebook and order a new batch.  Click here to buy the prints.

Photo by HendrixHunter Photography

Photo by HendrixHunter Photography
HAMU by Meghan Palla

In other news, I will be appearing at All-con doing several panels with some friends (along with a new one solo).  Hope to see you there!

Friday, March 18
- 2 PM: Nerdlesque
- 7 PM: History of Burlesque
- 8 PM: Ladies of Power (17+ version)

Saturday
- 11 AM: Ladies of Power
- 2 PM: Classic Hollywood's Forgotten Asian Superstars
- 7 PM: Ignorance and Fandom

Sunday
- 11 AM: Nerdlesque

All-con 2014 - Nerdlesque panel with Black Mariah
Photo by Long Le